Taurus (April 20-May 20)

My dog will brave massive thunderstorms, long, chaotic road trips, screaming children with grabby hands, fireworks, and clumsy drunk people with equal aplomb. But the wind rustling a curtain or making a door swing fills him with tremendous anxiety. I wish I could figure out what’s going on in his head so I could help him get over his fears. I wish the same thing for you — because to me, some of your most immediate anxieties are as nonsensical as being terrified by a gentle breeze. Fear doesn’t have to make sense. But, unlike my dog, you can use logic to help live with it (and without being limited by it). This week, try that.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Most Geminis I know are pretty up on the latest things. But there are a few who’ve managed to fall (almost) hopelessly behind. These poor Twins just throw up their hands and turn their attention to something else, because it’s simply too daunting to jump into now. I hope you’re not one of these, but if you are, get some help. It’s not too late to catch up. You remember how Grandma needed help operating her incredibly simple VCR? Do you really want to fill her shoes? If you’re stuck in the back of the class do what every dumb jock has done when he wanted to stay on the team — get some nerd to help you get a passing grade.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

One of your primary recurring life lessons is releasing your attachments to things — especially ideas, especially hoped-for ideas. There’s one thing in particular right now that I’m talking about. Whether it’s a specific relationship with another person, or a different way of doing your current relationship, it’s important to you — and therefore ever so hard to just chill out about. Probably whoever else is involved isn’t making it any easier—s/he’s engaged in all sorts of button-pushing. Still, if you can, look past that shit. I don’t know if this is another one of those things you absolutely have to let go of. But it’ll certainly work out better if you do.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

I can spot a fellow Leo a mile away. We’re rarely the funniest, loudest, or most physically beautiful people in the room. But most of us do possess a sort of radiance that’s unmatchable by any other sign. It’s true, some people are completely immune to it, but many are drawn to it compulsively. These are the ones I’d like to remind you about this week. You’ve spent too much of the past six months trying to impress people who couldn’t give two shits (because they’re looking for the most hilarious or gorgeous person around), rather than simply paying attention to your already substantial fan base. There are so many people who already think you’re the cat’s meow. Focus on them this week, and give them the love they so richly deserve — and actually want.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

I watched a documentary that featured leopard slugs mating. Entwined around each other, they dangled from a thread of thick mucous, extended their exceptionally long, prehensile penises (they’re hermaphroditic), and wrapped those around each other, expanding them until they formed a massive globular shape in which they could exchange sperm. Well, until I saw that, I thought some of your courtship and sensual practices were weird. Now I’ve decided otherwise. As odd as you may be, you’re plenty normal. This week, don’t let anyone make you feel like a leper. Compared to some of the other shit out there, you’re just plain vanilla. Own it, and enjoy it.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

If you act like an asshole toward someone, watch out. We’re living in an era where your assholic behavior could be caught, put online, and broadcast to the world. You never know who’s recording (probably covertly) your rudeness or abuse, and where online it’ll consequently pop up again. This would be especially galling for you, partially because of your extreme sensitivity to others’ opinions, but mostly because being rude or abusive is definitely out of character for you. However, you can’t say it’s never happened. Just be sure you can say it almost never happens, and definitely won’t this week.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Rutting season among herd beasts is a favorite time for predators, because the males use up all their energy screwing and fighting other testosterone-charged males for the right to screw. Thus when a lioness or hyena pack comes calling, they’ve got nothing left with which to flee or struggle against the hungry, sharp-toothed carnivores. I don’t suppose you’re horny enough to use up all your vitality getting laid — but you are screwing yourself by devoting just that bit too much time and energy in its pursuit. I couldn’t possibly ask you to tone down your extreme personality in the long-term — it’s part of what makes you so fascinating and sexy. But this week could you act more like, I don’t know, an Aquarius?

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Some people will boast about anything (especially if they’re drunk enough): how expensive their cars are, their genitalia, their ability to drink more than the next person. You’re generally too cool to get sucked into that ridiculousness; more often than not, you’re on the sidelines having a good laugh with the rest of us. But you can occasionally let your ego get out of hand, and that’s a danger this week. Be careful to avoid another kind of bragging contest, one with consequences more serious than a few rolled eyes, laughs at your expense, and a terrible hangover the next day.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Things aren’t going so well with one particular arena of your life, so you’re thinking of paring back how much time and energy you put into that aspect of things. Bad move. Now, when things are so crappy, is when you should be amping up your efforts in that department. You might think that toning things down will make them better, but you’re dead wrong. What you actually need to do is step up your game. Make things more intense, time-consuming, and perhaps even a bit out of control. Then, weirdly, they’ll also get good. Probably really good.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You’re a pretty astute and together person, but in one area of your life, you suck. It’s as if you’ve fallen completely asleep, and you’re making important decisions in the surrealism of your dreams. They make no sense out here, in the real world, at least to the rest of us. I doubt they’d hold much water for you, either, if you’d manage to actually realistically examine them. Unfortunately, these choices have to do with things that are essentially non-rational — like who you’re attracted to (and who you’re not) — so it’s understandable that they’re immune to logic or common sense. But whether you act on these irrational, dreamlike urges is another matter. Get advice from someone you trust — someone you think really knows how to live their life — then follow it.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Some Pisces don’t do much self-promotion, ostensibly to avoid being like those people who are constantly, obnoxiously, selling themselves and what they do. But you could (and should) get away with doing a bit more advertising of your virtues than you have. After all, you have a lot more to offer than most of those sell-outs; you’re actually original and talented. I’m not asking you to become a total attention whore, but being psychotically shy or modest isn’t going to get you anywhere. I know, I know — you’re not even sure you want to get anywhere. But we want — and need — you to. So do it for us, would you?

Aries (March 21-April 19)

No one expects you to be realistic, Aries. It’s not in your essential nature, which is wired to act upon hopes and aspirations, not cynically limited realities. There are plenty of dreamers out there, but these days hardly anyone is willing to leap, repeatedly, based on self-faith alone. There are times when reality ought to intrude and tell you to pursue a different course — but this isn’t one of them. This might ultimately not be the path for you. But there’s no way to figure that out, one way or the other, until you’ve proceeded quite a way farther down it.

Taurus

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/web1_zodiac-1647164_1920.jpgTaurus Pixabay image

Taurus

(April 20-May 20)

Nature documentarian (and fellow Taurus) David Attenborough is one of my heroes. What an amazing career he’s created for himself: getting paid (probably well) to get up close and personal with Earth’s most fascinating creatures. Emulate him, would you? Find some way to earn money doing things you’d do for free. Too many of us — especially you security-craving Tauri — spend too much time earning money doing things we hate — sometimes even things that are contrary to our personal ethos. Can you see any chance of making things happen your way? If you do, it’d be a crime not to go full-throttle for it.

Gemini

(May 21-June 20)

Twins love to communicate. You might be choosy about just who you talk to (and who you don’t), but I’ve never met a Gemini who consistently had trouble talking — about pretty much anything, anytime. So why have you shut yourself down, at least about one particular (and admittedly touchy) subject? It’s most unlike you. Do you really want that sore place to fester and get worse before you’ll open your mouth about it? That’s lame. Speak up now, because forever holding your peace isn’t an option. You’ll have to mention what’s bugging you, eventually, believe me — and it’ll be a million times harder to resolve later than it is right this second.

Cancer

(June 21-July 22)

I wouldn’t say you’re riding a bike with square wheels, exactly, but they’re hardly round, either. Maybe using hexagons as tires is workable, but it’s not comfortable, speedy or efficient. The worst part is you can only blame your limited progress on yourself, since you chose —consciously or unconsciously — the means you’re using to move forward, which can best be described as clunky, laughable and nearly pointless. Why are you holding yourself back in this ridiculous and masochistic way? There’s a downhill section coming up; it’d be a shame not to be able to take advantage of it. Hammer those tires into perfect circles, already. The tool I’d use for the job? The unadulterated truth.

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22)

I believe you can manifest stuff in your life just by wishing for it (in the right way). It helps if you’re not attached to any exact picture of results, so the universe can surprise you with something you’d actually like better than what you think you’d like. It’s a tricky, fiddly thing: your wish has to be fueled by real, personal desire, but not limited by excessive attachment to that desire. What’s something you truly want? Let your imagination soar beyond a new gadget. Try dreaming about love, opportunity or experiences. Be specific, but not too specific. You may think it’s bullshit, but why not try it? You’re more likely to make it work this week than most.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

We use this word, “instinct,” to describe what animals know without ever having to learn. But what the hell is instinct? These creatures are born knowing things. They don’t need to be taught this knowledge. Beavers know how to build dams. Could you build an effective dam? This is knowledge, the kind it would take you or me a long time to figure out, learn, and remember. Where is it stored? Genes? Why don’t we seem to have genetic memory? Maybe we do. There are certain things you know without ever having been taught them. This week is a good one for accessing and using that knowledge.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

The most common question I’m asked: “How do you write your horoscopes?” I’m bored of my standard answer, so I’ve started making shit up. I’ve invented imaginary aliens (who I supposedly channel) as well as a mysterious and ancient monkey paw. I’ve enigmatically offered to show people, if they would only produce a handful of chicken bones and a fertilized goose egg. Sometimes I tell them I let whoever asks predict their own future. What would you say, Libra? What’s your horoscope for two weeks from now? Make a prediction for yourself. It’ll probably be more accurate than mine; I’ve only got a few charts and my intuition to work with. You have your whole life.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Sorry, Scorpio. Nothing exciting’s likely to happen to you this week. Hey, don’t get dramatic. You can’t have earth-shattering events occur every week. Just because you’re ready for action doesn’t mean the universe will automatically provide it. Of course, you always have the option of stirring crap up yourself — but I wouldn’t. Come on, take a vacation from intensity. Practice being lighthearted and silly. Take nothing seriously. Put away your sting, your bedroom eyes, and your piercing stare. Have some fun. When was the last time you just played? This week, make your answer to that question: “Today.”

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Here you come, dripping wet from yet another cold shower. What’s gotten you so hot and bothered, Sag? I know it’s not just the weather. You’re worked up into an internal frenzy because of something else — an unrequited desire, or perhaps even a requited one. Ready for a break? Too bad. Because things are likely to heat up even further. I know, your first instinct in that case is to run for the hills. You’re not sure how much more you can stand. But fleeing won’t do you any good. Besides, you can take this, even if it’s more than just uncomfortable. Stick it out a little longer. See where you can take it. If it’s still “unbearable” in two weeks time, then you have my permission to skip town.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Every four years the rest of the planet (except America, pretty much) gets World Cup Fever. Everyone but us avidly tunes in to the ultimate global sporting event while America (mostly) skips it. Even though I’m hardly a sports fan, I let myself get sucked in, carried on the exuberant madness of those around me. I can’t say I ever care who wins —it seems arbitrary to me — but it’s a fun experience nevertheless. You may not naturally share the enthusiasm your partner or your friends have about something, but won’t you consider going along with it, just this once? I’m not talking about lamely humoring them while dragging your feet the whole way. I’m suggesting you wholeheartedly run with the pack this time. It might be a “waste” of time, but you never know — you might actually enjoy it.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Don’t you wish, sometimes, that you could experience life as a video game? Screw something up, and you could just go to the last place you saved and play it again until you get it right. Unfortunately, life’s stakes are higher than any video game — you usually only get one try. This week, however, is an exception. You are likely to be granted a single second chance to redo one thing you definitely could have done better. I hope you’ve been practicing (in your head, at least). Because if you screw up this time around, you definitely won’t get another shot.

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20)

You can’t spin straw into gold — yet. But you are capable of performing similar wealth-attracting miracles — when you want to. Your problem isn’t lack of ability; it’s discipline over your own mind. You don’t lack ambition, really; Pisces are dreamers first and foremost. It’s just sometimes difficult getting yourself to do the things that will make your dreams reality. There’s nothing I can say that will really help you with this. It’s up to you. I think you question, often, whether you truly want your dreams to come true. Once you stop doing that, they probably will.

Aries

(March 21-April 19)

I love you, Aries. I can say that because I’ve adored every Ram I’ve ever met. But one thing I’ve noticed is you don’t hear how well you’re loved nearly often enough. Sometimes you’re led to believe that you’re too needy and self-centered, and shouldn’t crave so much affection. Bullshit. You do deserve more than you get. So here’s some more: You rock. Your warmth, generosity, and playfulness are awesome. Hopefully there’ll be a lot more of this kind of thing coming your way this week. You don’t even need to ask for it; just put yourself in situations where it might come your way; it probably will.

Taurus

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647164_1920.jpgTaurus Pixabay image

Gemini

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920.jpgGemini Pixabay image

Cancer

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647167_1920.jpgCancer Pixabay image

Leo

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647168_1920.jpgLeo Pixabay image

Gemini

(May 21-June 20)

Cold turkey is the only way. If you’re planning on cutting something out of your life — be it smoking or an unhealthy relationship or ice cream — forget doing it gradually. That’s crap, especially for someone as generally indecisive as you. It’ll quite simply never work. Trust me on this. Either you want the thing in your life or you don’t. If you can’t make the decision to eliminate it 100 percent, you won’t be able to cut it down 10 percent, so why bother trying? You’ll just piss people off for no reason. So that’s the deal. It’s all or nothing on this one — no in-betweens. Which, my dear, would you prefer?

Cancer

(June 21-July 22)

This week I encourage Geminis to embrace extremes when making edits from their lives. Cutting something or someone cleanly out is the only way. Similarly, I’d like to encourage you to be that full-on, especially next week, when the Scorpio Full Moon rolls around. Only instead of cutting something or someone out of the picture, I’d like you to add someone or something in, and in a way that’s totally risky and exciting. Jump exuberantly into water over your head. It’s not the only way, but it’s the way best suited to “success” (whatever that means for that particular situation). It’s also, fortunately, the path involving the most fun!

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Something Leos struggle with is the idea that you are social creatures, yet you’re not always excellent team players (even if you often are). You like being surrounded by people, as long as you have some status. Being the low person on the totem pole just doesn’t suit you. Sometimes even equal status can gall you. For example, Leos always make excellent hosts but sometimes have trouble being just plain roommates. Where am I going with this? I’m trying to encourage you to do what you’ve got to do to achieve some status in the social situations you’re in this week. It’s for the happiness and well-being of all concerned. Better a sweet, generous, benevolent tyrant than a surly serf.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Believe it or not, the world is conspiring in some very subtle ways to curb you Virgos. The problem is, it’s so easy. All anyone has to do to prevent you from getting anywhere is to keep you busy with stuff that really doesn’t matter. Somehow, most of you can’t tell the difference; as long as you’re actively getting something done, you’re usually pretty happy, even if your accomplishments don’t ultimately get you any closer to your real goals. I’ve seen Virgos waste years of their lives helping other people realize their dreams while doing virtually nothing to further their own. Is that happening to you? Be honest with yourself. Then be honest about what’s best and make the changes that’ll ensure that at least 51 percent of your best time and energy is devoted to what you want and need and dream about.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Librans love comfort and adore popularity. Unfortunately, this week may force you to choose between the two. I don’t envy the kind of little choices you’ll have to face over the next chapter, constantly evaluating what you’ll sacrifice and what you’ll get for whatever you give up. It’s a tricky situation for anyone, but eventually it boils down to this: do you want your life to be easy and comfortable, if a bit lonely? Or would you rather suffer and strive, just to be surrounded by people who respect you (but may or may not actually like you)?

Scorpio

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Whenever I’m down and out, I like to see myself as a character in a movie or a novel, just as they’re struggling through the hardest part of the dramatic conflict. This hero figure may not win, but they’ll grow or learn something or occasionally triumph through persistence and unfailing hope. I choose to believe that simply having faith that things will turn around will always eventually yield positive results. It may or may not be true or work exactly like that. I just don’t know. But I can tell you what I do know, without a shadow of a doubt: if you believe that things will get worse, they definitely will.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

This week I’m trying to teach Sagittarians an impossible lesson: how to be optimists. That’s something I’ve never had to school you on, exactly. Where you fall short, sometimes, is by not setting your hopes and aspirations high enough. Sure, higher hopes means occasionally devastating disappointments instead of simply mild ones. But I’m sick of you being just simply more mediocre than you ought to be. You’re supposed to (and able to) shine! Why don’t you get around to it? Start by making your dreams ambitious enough to truly be worthy of someone like you.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

People who’ve struggled through hard experiences usually come out the other side stronger and more resolved and determined than ever. That’s almost always the case with you Capricorns as well, but I have seen it happen that an unexpected defeat, failure, or mistake can throw you guys for a loop that takes months to come out of. Don’t let that happen next time around (especially by deluding yourself that there won’t be a next time, or that it won’t be horribly disappointing). This week, stretch — physically and spiritually. The goal is to start improving your elasticity and flexibility— the better to bounce back the next time life tosses you to the ground.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

What do you expect? Beat up your body and you’ll get sick. Stomp on a relationship and it’ll fall apart. Do a half-ass job and you’ll lose your job. You understand and believe in these concepts, right? So why do you sometimes have a hard time believing in their opposites? Eat well and sleep enough and you’ll be healthy. Nurture your relationship with respect and affection and it’ll be solid and dependable (if not always exactly what you want). Rock out at work and you’ll be rewarded. While not all of these things (positive or negative) are true all the time, most of them are true most of the time.

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20)

Sometimes you want to be wrapped up safe, as snug as a babe in mama’s arms. Other times that very same treatment would have you feeling terrified and claustrophobic and ultimately running for the hills. Sometimes it feels as if there’s no pleasing you — even when you’re the one trying! This week may be one of those frustrating weeks where you don’t quite know what you want, or how to make yourself happy. Don’t freak out. Instead of trying to figure out what’ll work (a hopeless task, at the moment), concentrate on the present moment, whatever it is, and simply doing your best to enjoy that.

Aries

(March 21-April 19)

You’re a natural leader — until you burn out. Every Aries does break down at some point. You take on too much (or fail to refuse too many burdens), and you collapse under the pressure. What’s important is that you get back up and don’t become a shrinking violet as a result of your negative experience. The next time around, you learn from your mistakes: don’t put yourself in a position to bark out orders when you’re prone to laryngitis, for example. Bottom line is: first accept that you have limitations. Then gracefully accept those limitations. Then, and only then, try to — carefully and wisely — transcend them.

Taurus

(April 20-May 20)

I’ve never met an especially gullible Taurus. It’s not that you’re overly suspicious, either. You just take your time deciding whether someone’s worthy of your trust. It’s that patience that will benefit you this week, as nothing will be especially clear, either way. I urge you not to reach any conclusions yet, although you ought to feel free to develop your ideas about the situation. Your chain may indeed be getting yanked. But this could also be for real. Only time will tell, and only if you give it time. Jump to conclusions now, and you may soon regret them.

Taurus

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647164_1920-1.jpgTaurus Pixabay image

Gemini

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-1.jpgGemini Pixabay image

Cancer

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647167_1920-1.jpgCancer Pixabay image

Leo

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647168_1920-1.jpgLeo Pixabay image

Girls, it’s time to release your top bun. Those gray roots you’ve been hiding grow at least one half inch a month. Let’s seeeee; that’s two to three inches, and if you keep putting color off, you’ll have to turn your top bun into a scrubbing mop that dangles full circle.

Visualize a bed of spring flowers ready to bloom, and then pop — spring has sprung. Mother Nature has painted the canvas with full color. This includes you who vowed to treat yourself for a change and make your significant other see how gorgeous you are.

Here’s what May’s stars suggest:

Aires — Bronze highlights, curled hair — romantic ringlets gathered together and fastened at the nape.

Taurus — Center part, layered cut, chocolate brown with golden highlights.

Gemini — Bangs are big this year, color — red brown.

Cancer — Pearl blonde, deep waves, edgy ends.

Leo — Long gypsy waves, bayolaged with blonde of course.

Virgo — Playful shattered bob with customized fringing. Select the color of your choice.

Libra — Remember Cher with long, dark mermaid hair? Do it!

Scorpio — Very short sides and back. Long top with a side part and long bang. Color – ebony.

Sagittarius — Because it’s been rough sailing for you, do something adventurous again. Red base, gold highlights. Wear it straight, long or short.

Capricorn — Light brown roots, blonde streaks, hand painted bayolage, cut above the shoulder.

Aquarius — Decorative headbands are back, and no one can pull it off better than an Aquarius. Full color, no gray, then get out the curling wand. Short or long, let your hair dance.

Pisces — Platinum blonde, longish if possible. Make a side bun.

Look forward to June when most of the planets will be forward. Until then, have a great May.

Carolyn Salvaggio

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_star5.jpgCarolyn Salvaggio Amanda Hrycyna | Weekender

May is the time to let down that bun and get some color before summer hits.

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_AP_17058004696765.jpgMay is the time to let down that bun and get some color before summer hits. Amanda Hrycyna | Weekender

Gemini

(May 21-June 20)

I know certain artists and writers who seem to have their tongues in the groove. They have this knack for reaching into the ether and snatching something vital straight from the cosmic unconscious — basically an idea we’ve all been thinking about recently. Then they all work with the idea at the same time, without really being aware that they’re riding the same wave until it crashes up on shore and they let everyone see their work. You’re tapped in now, too. Can you feel it? It’s your turn to play cultural shaman and introduce us to the next phase of the new ideas we’ve been percolating all together. What will it be this month, Gemini? Clue us in.

Cancer

(June 21-July 22)

You’re shopping for a stereo system. You already know it’d be really teenage and shortsighted to assume that bigger speakers are better than smaller ones. Sound quality is determined by design and components, not necessarily their size. Your usage is important, too. For example, some people prefer a clear, crisp sound in a small space while others have to make their warehouse parties boom. Anyway, don’t be too superficial when making selections this week, whether you’re dealing with speakers or people. Be aware that you’re looking for the exceptional — and therefore should ignore broad generalities on principle — and that your needs are quite specific, and can only be met by something or someone just as fine-tuned.

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22)

I notice you’ve been smiling a lot lately, Leo. It’s easy when the sun is shining, like you’re a solar cell being charged right up and letting the overflow spill out in generous radiant good cheer. Don’t hold back. Like a solar cell, you’re not all that good at saving this kind of energy for later; it’ll just trickle out unnoticed until virtually nothing’s left. You might as well spend, spend, spend. You’re almost inexhaustible at the moment, so why not? Convert your abundance of personal warmth into karmic good credit. You can’t go wrong with karmic credit — and you can never have too much.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You’ve got this week. Next week, astrological forces start gearing up to provide maximum resistance to your efficiency, so getting stuff done will not be nearly as easy — especially all that nitpicky must-do crap that you’ve been sort of putting off. Get it out of the way. It’ll be a lot simpler during the next few days than it will be in the next few weeks, when it’ll take three times as long to complete, if you can complete it at all. You may find that some of it is just plain impossible. I know, that makes this week look kind of lame and crappy, overall. All I can say is: better this week be blah than this month.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Don’t buy crap you don’t need. That’s the lesson for you, coming up. Try it if you don’t believe me. You’ll see. Don’t come crying to me when you’re filled with overwhelming regret. Guilt, even. This doesn’t mean you can’t be hedonistic or lavish at all. After all, you’re a Libra. You do need a certain amount of luxury in your life, don’t you? Just keep it to a minimum, especially avoiding impulse purchases, which will pretty much never work out as you hoped. Keep the luxuriousness to a reliable minimum and you’ll have a month of perhaps relatively moderate pleasures — but you’ll enjoy them a lot more because you’re not busy kicking yourself.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Things have been kind of twisted for a while now — so long that you’ve almost forgotten to notice how turned around they are. Everyone knows that advice, no matter how good, simply can’t get you untangled — and we’ve tried, and tried. But how about a good example? How about someone living their life in a way that — while far from perfect and perhaps even as messed up as yours (but in different ways) — inspires or guides you to unravel your own mess? That might actually work. Keep an eye out for that someone this week, and next. They’re likely to appear.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Take charge. It’s fun, and you’re good at it, even though on principle you tend to avoid too conspicuously taking the leadership role. But sometimes people just need to be told what to do, and at those times they’ll pretty much listen to anyone who acts like they knows what they’re doing. Unfortunately, that overconfident loudmouth is often also an idiot, and steers the poor sheep-folk in totally the wrong direction. Since you do know where you’re going and what everyone ought to be getting up to, not taking charge would almost be a criminal insult.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

I adore my Capricorn friends. But sometimes I long, desperately, for you to break out of your shells. I see you straining and struggling to shatter your cool, distanced reserve, and usually failing. I wish I could help you. Hopefully this week’s events can charge you with enough energy to smash your inhibitions, at least temporarily — while retaining enough control to keep from doing anything too embarrassing (mortifying memories only serve to strengthen the stranglehold you have on yourself). Let us help. What would help you break free (besides, you know, intoxication)?

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

I’d forgotten just how enthusiastic you can be; your spark and energy for life rivaled that of those Leos lurking on the opposite side of the zodiac (they’re actually quite like you, in many ways). Why had this slipped my mind? Because, unlike those socially-hungry Lions, you just haven’t been around much. How can someone with such a big personality become such a non-presence? Remedy your absence by reconnecting with those you’d inadvertently distanced yourself from. They won’t hold it against you; charmed by your smile, they’ll let you pick up right where you last left off.

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20)

I have tons of compassion for you, Pisces, I really do. I imagine it’s hard to live in a world of such complexities. Most of the Fish I know spend a lot of time being just plain bewildered by life. That’s not criticism; I think it’s having fewer filters between you and reality, not more, that generates so much confusion. This is why so many Pisceans adopt artificial filters — and most of them aren’t as benign as rose-colored shades. In fact, your attempts at buffering and softening your world can often generate more gigantic, scarier monsters than you’ve ever had to face before. Be careful when you’re sipping that cocktail, or knocking back that pill or nurturing co-dependence with your partner, that you’re not actually making things worse in the long run. Perhaps you can keep an eye out for a healthier, more sustainable filter? They exist.

Aries

(March 21-April 19)

Where are you all? Your fans (or would-be fans) are looking high and low for you — but a lot of them are emerging from the social fray empty-handed. This is when they turn to me and wonder: Where the hell are all the Aries? How do I meet a good Aries? Thus — for your own good as well as ours, since I know how much you enjoy admiration (and despise unsolicited criticism) — I ask you: How does one meet a good Aries? How do we catch your eye? Let us know. I promise, we’ll only use the information to make your lives richer and more interesting.

Taurus

(April 20-May 20)

Let’s dispense with inadequate measures, shall we? I’m talking of the kinds of precautions you’re taking that will ultimately do you no good. These are the equivalent of hiding under a desk holding your head during a nuclear explosion. They’re worse than pointless. Not that you should go dancing out into the radiation storm and wait to be vaporized. But decide ahead of time what you can actually do to help or protect yourself, realistically. Do that, then relax. Life’s unpredictable. It’s not safe. Be reasonable and wise; beyond that, why not dance? Living it up, post reasonable precautions, is the way to go this week.

Gemini

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-2.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

I dreamt that you had asthma you were deliberately cultivating and worsening (by smoking). When I woke up, I looked for evidence that you might be doing stuff to intensify or aggravate your suffering, and I certainly found some. Where are these masochistic urges coming from? Are they your self-generated excuses for not doing something brilliant and fantastic with your life? Sure, many things in your life outside of your control don’t work out the way you wish they would. But if you’re not making quite the progress you desire at the moment, I have to tell you: you really have no one to blame but yourself.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You may be record-breaking grudge-holders, but you’re also first-class forgivers. Cancers are generally known for their generosity in doling out second, third, fourth, even fifth chances—when people ask for them. An ounce of contrition and a promise to do better are valuable currency among you Crabs. However, perhaps your exchange rate is just slightly too low this week. I’m not saying you shouldn’t forgive, forget, and bequeath another chance upon your petitioner(s). I’m just suggesting you make them work ever so slightly harder than usual for it. It’ll greatly reduce the likelihood of them requiring yet another chance after this one, and that’s in everyone’s best interest, isn’t it?

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

You’ve been lurking in the wings for a while now, awaiting your cue. What some folks don’t understand about Leos is that you really don’t mind letting others have their turn in the spotlight; it’s just that when it’s your turn to shine, you make the most of it, unlike some people, who squander the moment on undue nervousness or discomfort. Thus you acquire a reputation as requiring the spotlight, when in fact you just relish it. The truth is you’re ace in other roles as well, not just as the center of attention; for instance, you make a fantastic and attentive audience member. You’ll be getting your fair share of the limelight in the coming days; it’s making sure you balance that out with some of the other stuff that’s this week’s main task.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

A Virgo friend of mine was recently told by her doctor that she had an excess of adrenaline. Well, I could have told her that. No one without too much adrenaline could possibly get so much done in so little time and still be ready for more. Okay, not every Virgo has quite the energy gifted by hormonal imbalance. But most Virgos — especially female Virgos — have more than you know what to do with. Mostly, you apply this excess towards making others’ lives better. Screw that, this week. What can you do with all that vim, that’ll improve your experience, not someone else’s?

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Your allergy to behavioral, dietary, or relationship extremes keeps you mostly out of trouble, but also out of some exciting and fascinating situations. Sometimes I wish for crazy shit to happen to you, just so you’d finally explore some of your tremendous unrealized potential. I wish you didn’t have to be pushed, against your will, to go there. But I’m not sure how else you’d get to maximize on your raw talent. Could you possibly be tempted to push yourself hard enough to get to it, of your own free will? Somehow I doubt it. But I also hope you’ll prove me wrong.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You don’t have the allergy to extremes that most Libras suffer from. Exploring all that intensity has made you the incredible, fascinating, and ultimately weird person you are today. However, I hope you haven’t made an unbreakable habit out of taking things as absolutely far as they will go. Every once in a while a situation really does work best (and is at its most interesting, ironically) when you take the middle road. This week, you’ll face just one of these scenarios. Don’t take the most reckless or wandering path purely out of habit. Notice that the easy middle way is actually the best one for once. Then take that.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Some dirt and other crap you swept swiftly under the rug last fall has grown legs and eyes and teeth and crawled out from under it. Now what will you do? There’s no denying the mess you tried to hide, not when it’s become a public spectacle. You don’t necessarily owe this walking train wreck anything, but you should also admit that you could have handled the situation better than you did. So, what to do? Capitulate to its petulant demands, just so it’ll shut up? Nope; those ultimatums will never stop. Send it packing, empty-handed? Nah. Here’s a hint: There’s something that you can give it that will, if not satisfy your mess, at least make it go away.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

There are some signs whose response to getting hurt or screwed over is to skip town — to get as far away from the pain (or its source) as possible. That, though, isn’t you. You’ve got too much going on, usually, to take that way out. However, every once in a while a geographic solution to your problems is just the ticket. Some distance will dull the pain, or perhaps distract you from it, and almost certainly give you some much-needed perspective on your problems and how best to solve them or just get over them. If you can possibly get away this week (or next), please do so. You’ll be glad you did.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

What if you died and discovered your life was just an intense and complex video game, and you could hit restart and begin another game — another life — just like that? The rules of this video game — to make it fun, and challenging — is that you can’t remember, each time, any of the other games you’ve already played. Would you live your life any differently if you thought that was how it worked? It seems like a ridiculous notion, perhaps, yet I can’t help feeling that if you thought of your life as a game — that is, fun and not quite so serious as you’re making it out to be — you’d be much better at it, at least this week.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

If you take the individual ingredients of a s’more — marshmallow, chocolate, graham cracker, they’re alright. Only when they’re combined with each other — and preferably with the intimate experience of sharing a campfire with your friends — do they become something sublime. There are a few elements of your life that are similar to those ingredients — nice, but nothing to get too excited about. If they were combined with each other, in the right combination and situation, though, they could be fantastic. Your task this week is to figure out which pieces of your life could be improved by fitting them together in the right ways, then to make it happen.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Every Aries has tons of energy and virtually no awareness of how to budget it. That’s why you get burnt out and run down. Part of the problem is you’ve made a habit of ignoring your body’s early warning signs, hints of impending breakdown, things like a scratchy throat, a cold sore, or simply bone-deep tiredness. Can you learn to listen to these (and other, similar) clues? I hope so, because until you do, you’ll collapse 50 yards before the finish line every time. That sucks. You should be not only finishing but also grabbing first place.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Every Taurus needs some close connection to nature. Some of you haven’t figured this out yet. Maybe you associate nature with dirtiness and discomfort. That probably means you haven’t found the aspect of nature you like to interface with. Some may love walking quietly through a shady wood, others prefer the sunny decadence of a tropical beach; maybe climbing snow-capped mountains is your thing. I think there’s probably a way for you to get your dose of intimacy with the natural world without straying too far from your comfort zone. This week, figure out how, if you haven’t already.

Gemini

http://theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

It’s new school vs. old school this week, and guess what? You, of course, get to push for the new, better way of doing things. Newer isn’t always an improvement; it’s quite often the opposite, actually, which is where the old school gets its strength. However, this time, traditional sticks-in-the-mud have it wrong, and it’s up to you to show (and prove) it to them. Are you up to the task? I think you are. Hint: “Do as I say, not as I do,” won’t cut it this week. You can’t tell them how things could be better. You have to show them.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

A strong desire for surprises can often help you in life. In fact, they’re about the only thing you can, ultimately, count on. Having expectations — of your children, say — will only lead to disappointment. However, entering parenthood or a relationship with excitement about all the unknowable things the new person will bring into your life is going to make you much happier than the vain hope that you can effectively steer them or your connection in any direction. How deep is your thirst for exploring uncontrollable, thrilling new territory with someone new? This week, swallow a spoonful of salt or do whatever it takes to make sure it’s fairly unquenchable, because that’s what you’ll be up to.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Imagine you were an animal with only one chance per year of having a baby. If predators or circumstance claimed a few of your precious infants, it would be quite hard to contemplate trying again. Hopefully, you would anyway, and you’d also be smart enough to attempt a different strategy to help your child survive. Luckily, you can breed whenever you like. Falling in love, however, is another matter. Most Leos only open to that every so often — and with less frequency after being hurt or screwed over. However, I hope you haven’t given up forever — and that, when you do allow the possibility again, you try something truly different, something that might just allow your love to survive.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Although world-renowned as the epitome of practicality, you ought to be equally well-known for some of your cockamamie ideas. You’re usually a miracle of efficiency, so practically no one notices when you pour your abundant energy into these truly twisted and deluded ventures, except those closest to you (who probably tried to stop you, and would have, if you weren’t so stubborn). I won’t try to convince you not to pursue your latest private obsession (these zany side trips are part of what I love about you). However, if your idiosyncrasies get in the way of something undeniably real (like your relationship), would you consider, at least this week, taking them down a notch or two?

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

If you ask advice of a friend, be prepared to seriously consider taking it, even if it’s not what you want to hear. You’re under absolutely no obligation to do what they say — but you ought to give it a fair listen. If you’re simply fishing for validation, don’t piss off your friends by ignoring them if they don’t give it to you. All people delude themselves at times. Sometimes you have the benefit of a straight-talking, no-bullshit friend who’ll help you cut through an illusion or two, if you let them. This week, won’t you let them?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Instead of looking at how much you have left to do, consider how much you’ve already done. Yes, the road ahead of you is long, but you’ve come a long way so far. That ought to give you strength and hope. Regarding the stretch ahead of you at the moment is too daunting. Instead, look back at what you’ve already endured and survived, and remind yourself you could do it again, and then some. Your trials and travails may have worn you down on the surface, but underneath, they’ve tempered and developed your strength. Dig deep. You’ll find underneath your weary, exhausted exterior, you’re steel.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

As I write this, it’s been raining for days, and even the most adventurous Sags I know have become homebodies, staring glumly out their spotted windows and waiting for the sun to return. You know the feeling, don’t you? Sometimes there’s nothing you can do about a situation except cool your heels and wait it out. That’s exactly the case this week. Being proactive will only frustrate and exhaust you, and possibly make circumstances worse. Chill out. The more you can give this knotty situation a bit of breathing space, the more likely it will untangle itself.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You need carrots, not cattle-prods, this week. You’ve had enough nagging and ass-kicking in your life lately. You deserve some kind of reward. Not a vacation, not yet. You’ve still got a lot to do. But maybe you can find a way to treat yourself after every step along the way? You might need the promise (and delivery) of sweet treats, or massages, or dates, or screws, to get you through the next few chapters. Don’t deny yourself. Being stern and hard on yourself isn’t going to cut it at the moment. Be sweet, gentle, and encouraging instead.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Don your verbal boxing gloves, because it’s time to step up (again) and go to battle for what you know is right and just. Why you? It’s your job, I’m afraid. You’re the most versatile and rugged of the air signs, and uniquely qualified. Libras make great politicians and moderators, and Geminis are funny and inventive. But only you can marry emotion to fact effectively and not be knocked out by a determined counterattack. That’s what’s required this week: someone to stand up for what they believe in who can take a few punches and keep on fighting. Like it or not, darling, that’s you.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

It’s like you were bitten by a Volkswagen-sized spider, and now you’re just waiting, paralyzed, for it to return and suck out your insides. Only the waiting can last months or years, and there’s no spider venom; this incapacitation is purely self-induced. What you need to know is that it only gets worse; the longer you wait before you act, the harder it will be. The thing you also need to know is that it’s never too late to step up and do something. Quit waiting, you delusional creature. Haven’t you suffered enough? I guarantee that whatever you do now will hurt you less, in the long run, than not doing anything, and, even if it stings a bit now, you won’t regret it.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Is anybody still listening to you? Sometimes, you get so impassioned about something that you can go on and on, and not even notice that everyone you’re talking to has tuned out, or even walked away. Pay attention, darling. Most of the people around you adore you, but if you take that adoration for granted, it might just get a bit frayed around the edges. Success and happiness this week means seeing the world as it is, and that means noticing that not everyone quite shares your enthusiasms. You still ought to share them — but perhaps in slightly smaller doses.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Your Earthy cousins have it rough. Capricorns never take a break because their ambition won’t let them, and Virgos can’t relax and chill out because they simply have too much energy. Sometimes I wish they’d both take a page out of your book, since you know how to get shit done and occasionally stop and enjoy life. Won’t you share your hard-won wisdom with them and get them to sit down long enough to smell some roses, drink some iced tea, and simply do nothing more than chew the fat? Hint: getting them to stop what they’re doing may involve sitting on them and pinning them to the ground. (Watch out: They may bite; luckily, you can take them.)

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-1.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Geminis often have difficulty expressing their emotions; some Cancers, on the other hand, can tend towards the opposite extreme: over-articulation of every little thing they’re going through. Your ability to speak eloquently about your inner world is one of your talents, but it can be taken too far, and ultimately drive people away from you. As I told Geminis this week, letting people be privy to your private inner world is generally a gift. But there’s also such a thing as over-sharing. Are you guilty? Is it a feeling of intimacy you’re creating, or simply too much information?

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

You can rock this week, if you channel your Sagittarian cousins’ vibe. Let’s review what that means: Archers are truth-tellers and truth-seekers. Check. Wearing your heart on your sleeve and cutting through bullshit are no problem for you. They’re born adventurers, and like things wild and chaotic. Check. You do like to be in charge a lot of the time, but you’re able to occasionally let go and go along for the ride. Sagittarians are never snobs; they’ll gladly and amiably talk to anyone. Yeah. That one might be trickier for you. Nevertheless, it’d be good practice. This week, deliberately develop amnesia about any judgments you’ve made. I’m betting you (and everyone else) will be much happier.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You’re actually not an especially brilliant multi-tasker. It’s more that you’ve mastered the art of making everything you do serve multiple purposes. Sometimes, though, that doesn’t always work. It may be frustrating to have to do something that’s uneconomical and only serves one end, but this week, do it anyway, because it’s not for you. It’s for someone you love. Making other people happy is rarely a streamlined, efficient, or logical process. Nevertheless, I hope you realize that, even though you could be accomplishing ten times as much in the same time, this is more important. So quit your bitching and do what you have to do — and do it well.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Dressing up like a little girl in pigtails and ribbons won’t make you appear innocent; in fact, in most cases it would have exactly the opposite effect. Similarly, you can’t simply put on the appearance of whatever you want to be and hope you’ll come off that way. People will see right through it. If you want to transform, you’ve got to wreak that metamorphosis from the inside out. This will take much longer and require tons more effort than you may have originally wanted to put into this life change. Are you up for it? On the plus side, by the time you manifest whatever it was that you wanted to bring into your life, it won’t matter what you wear; the transformation will be written all over you.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Some plants are resilient. You can cut off a stem, plop it in water, and the plant will magically grow some roots, new leaves, and become viable on its own. Others will simply wilt and die. You could take either metaphorical route this week: opportunistically expanding, even though you’re cut up and put in unfamiliar territory, or giving up and wilting because you don’t have access to your usual sources of nourishment and comfort. Obviously, we’d both prefer you take the former path, but you might not quite know how. Here’s a hint: without roots or leaves, you’ll have to figure out some other way of getting the things you need to survive and thrive. If a plant can do that, you can, too.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

There’s nothing wrong with allowing yourself to be led from the path you’d chosen for yourself. That’s often how you discover new, better ways of living. Sometimes, though, you don’t even realize you’ve been led badly astray until you meet someone who reminds you of who you really are (or were). Some people challenge you to become something or someone new. That’s great. But some people don’t expect you to be anything more (or less) than you already are, quite naturally. You’ve done enough rising to the occasion lately. This week, find someone who’ll let you take a seat, relax, and enjoy just being yourself.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Some people are always late because they just don’t give a shit. Being punctual isn’t the least bit important to them, and they only pretend to feel guilty when they’ve kept you waiting, again. Others, however, are frequently tardy because they simply don’t have a very firm grasp on time; a passing hour can seem like ten minutes inside their heads. You’re habitually punctual, and get annoyed when others aren’t, regardless of their reasons. Since you’ll have to deal with both types of late-comers quite a lot this week, circumvent your annoyance by short-circuiting their lateness. Ask them to meet you a half-hour before you actually want to, and everyone will show up at the same time, happy.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Anyone who’s had a kid, a beloved pet, or a lover knows that feeling of fierce protectiveness that seems to sprout from some deep, instinctual place that’s at least somewhat irrational and only partially subject to our conscious minds. That animal self is a source of power, insight, and strength. While you’re right that you shouldn’t let it rule you, sometimes Aquarians put a bit too much distance between their overbearing, over-analyzing minds, and it. This week, tap into that primal inner spring. What you need the most to get to the next chapter — be it passion, drive, or guiding instincts — can be found there.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

People are often willing to cut you slack. But sometimes you’ve just got to bring it, without excuses, regardless of what else is going on for you. They don’t care if you have a fever, a broken arm, or a broken heart. You either deliver, or you don’t. Many Pisceans are quick to give up when they face this kind of ultimatum. It’s not that they lack the ability to succeed and even thrive despite adversity. They could (and many Fish do). It’s simply because they don’t have the kind of drive and rebellion that would keep, say, an Aries on his feet with two sprained ankles. This week, work on your drive. Are you hungry enough? Show us.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Rams are creatures of extremes. Even though they often come off as the boldest and most confident people around, they’re frequently also the most insecure. Aries I know to be brilliant, extroverted, and wildly successful have confessed that they secretly thought that virtually everyone they knew was cooler than they were. How many pedestals have you built to put your friends and heroes up on? How disappointed (or relieved) were you when they fell off, in the past? I don’t know that you need to go running around knocking down imaginary pedestals just to bring your friends down to “your level.” Personally, I’d rather you built a new one and climbed up.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

What’s perfect isn’t perfect. In fact, this week you ought to live for the imperfections, the cracks in the façade, the unexpected. You need distraction and adversity to really come into your own. Given total serenity and the “perfect” working environment, for example, I doubt you’d get anything done. You’re stiff and you need to stretch out and use your emotional (as well as physical muscles). That means putting yourself in situations where they’ll get a workout, that will truly challenge you. Choose circumstances which require tremendous flexibility. Forget what’s ideal. Go for what’s exciting.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Relating to matters of the heart, you have some relationships that are strictly one-way. That is, your dear friend tells you everything that’s going on for them, but when it comes time to share your own feelings, your mouth might as well be sewn shut. I know you don’t want to bitch or whine about your inner turmoil. You might not even need to share that stuff, since you’re perfectly capable of coping on your own. But sharing isn’t always for you. Sometimes, it’s for your friends. Letting them know what’s in your heart isn’t selfish; it’s actually a kind of gift. Won’t you give it to them?

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-2.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

As much as you love being “in the know,” taking part in that inner circle of knowledge comes with a price. You have to take some responsibility for the decisions that were made in that context. Having information is a form of power, and with power comes responsibility. There are so many abuses of power in our country that I know you’d be loathe to add to the pile. Therefore, even if you’re operating on a much smaller scale, lead by example: exercise your power (even if it’s just the sharing of information) with compassion, thoughtfulness, and transparency.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

What is royalty, noble Lion? Once, it was about which family you were born (or married) into. Now, it’s called celebrity, and it’s about beauty, or wealth, or a host of other things. The biggest different between old school royalty and the new school variety is that kings and queens once had a duty to their people; too few celebrities seem to feel the same way. (Can you imagine Paris Hilton doing anything truly for “the greater good?”) You are royalty, at least in your own circle. The question is, are you new school, in it for the ego-boost, or old school, a leader whose edicts and decisions benefit everyone?

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

If a plant isn’t getting enough nutrients, sunlight, or water, it often sacrifices parts of itself; select leaves wilt and fall off, so that the rest of the plant might survive (and even thrive in less than perfect conditions). I know you’re loathe to lose any pieces of yourself or aspects of your life, but I hope you’ll consider this strategy anyway. It’s either wither away entirely, or cast off some dead weight that’s not really helping you at the moment. It shouldn’t be that hard; If you choose correctly, you should feel lighter and stronger, so much so that you’ll go from struggling to soaring, virtually overnight.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

I’m grossed out by perfume. In fact, if I notice someone smells like anything other than a human being, it’s a huge turn-off. This isn’t because of some body odor fetish, but simply an allergy to anything that smacks of being fake or artificial. I value realness above niceness or prettiness, so whenever I think someone is hiding behind a scent or some affected attitude, I usually walk away. I don’t expect you to change your values to conform to mine (I know you prefer it when some of life’s rough edges (and odors) have been smoothed out.) I’m just explaining why someone you want to admire you won’t even notice you: they might want someone who’s more real than nice.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

When people first become lucid in their dreams (aware that they’re dreaming), they nearly always do one of two things: fly, or have sex. Advanced dreamers get more creative; they start with flying sex and move on from there to virtually limitless possibilities. Scorpios have tremendous potential to break from the norm and explore uncharted new territory, in dreams and life. When you choose to be, you’re the shamans of the modern age. Some of you, however, aren’t exactly doing your jobs. This week, get back to work. People need to know they have more than two choices; a lot of them need help figuring that out. Give them a hand, won’t you?

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

I’ve known a couple pathological liars in my life. They were consistently entertaining and compelling people (as they ought to be; anyone who makes up their entire life and still comes off as boring must have a shitty imagination.) They’re largely successful not because they’re Oscar-worthy actors or genius storytellers, but simply because people meet them halfway. They choose to believe the lies they’re told, even quite outlandish and incredible ones. Sagittarians are notorious truth-tellers; this ironically makes you astonishingly susceptible to more deceitful sorts. You’re unwittingly collaborating in someone else’s’ constructed fantasy reality, and it might get you in (emotional) trouble. Better identify, then pop, that bubble now, before you’re too far off the ground.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Some women get surgery to “restore” their virginity. However, even though they may bleed as if it’s their first time, the next time they have sex, their previous experiences will always be with them. Similarly, you might be able to create an equally hard-to-penetrate illusion about yourself. Those women have their own reasons to hide the fact they’ve had sex. What’s behind your own disguise? I doubt any of them start to believe that they’re really virgins again; you, however, have shown signs of starting to buy into your own smoke-and-mirrors act. Don’t do that. Whatever you make other people believe, once you start fooling yourself, you’re in deep trouble.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The most interesting aspects of your life should teeter between exciting and overwhelming. If they don’t at least briefly veer into those wild emotional territories, it means you’re not aiming high enough or pushing strongly enough to manifest your dreams. What in your life makes your heart pound, your hands clammy, and your hopes soar? If your answer is, “nothing,” then you’re screwing up. You’re wasting time. There’s got to be something out there that could simultaneously thrill and terrify you. If you haven’t found it yet, this week you ought to start looking in earnest.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Holding onto your rough edges can take courage and determination, especially for a Pisces. You Fish can find it terribly tempting to lie down and let life course over you like a swift river, until you’re as smooth and rounded as all the other river rocks. Losing your peculiar spiritual shape would be a shame, since you’re generally the most quirkily creative and idiosyncratic sign in the zodiac. We need the whimsical, impractical weirdness only you can bring to the table (only if you resist the pressure to conform). I understand the urge to go with the flow; I just hope you’re still willing to slice through it some of the time.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Non sequiturs are the name of this week’s game. Your best strategy for moving forward, avoiding conflict, or triumphing in a fight of any kind, is simply to keep people guessing. That means stretching your creativity to its limits and surprising even yourself. When was the last time you did that, Aries? I want you to shock yourself to the roots of your hair with what you’re capable of. If you can do that, you’ll not only be living a very exciting and interesting life indeed, anyone who might get in your way will be so off-balance you could knock them over with a feather, or a word.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

When you can’t win, laugh. I can understand why you’re letting yourself get angry, frustrated, or upset, but I wish you wouldn’t. There’s simply nothing you can change about the situation—except your reaction to it. Since whatever’s bugging you is likely to continue, you have two choices: continue to allow it to screw with your well-being, or get over it. At the very least get to a place where it’ll roll off your back; if you can manage to find some way to genuinely laugh at the thing, we’ll all be much, much happier.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

We sometimes regard being conscientious, generous, or altruistically good as the province of those better off than we are. Sure, if you’re already wealthy, you may have the luxury of quitting your job and devoting the rest of your life to some grand (but achievable) goal like ridding the world of malaria. (I sure wish more rich folk would do just that!) Still, there’s always something you can do. Why aren’t you doing it? Is it because you’re lazy (why many affluent people do virtually nothing to improve others’ lives)? Don’t waste another day (we can’t afford) waiting on richer folk. Get off your ass and do something worthwhile. If you can’t be bothered, pretend you’re rich and open your wallet and give generously to people who can.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-3.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Welcome to June 2017 where everything is retro.

Women’s fashion has gone bonkers both in hair and clothing. You see 1940s floral attire galore, 1950s off the shoulder peasant blouses, 1960s long skirts. As for hair color, the shades of the rainbow won’t go away. New is rose gold and platinum silver. And guess what, hair waves are back. Whether short, medium or long, you’ll see bouncy waves right up to finger waves — yep, finger waves.

Just yesterday I was sitting in a doctor’s office where I saw short hair with finger waves so pronounced they appeared to have been formed with old-fashioned wave clips. But wait, I happened to look up from the magazine I was reading when a woman walked in with a waved bob. Oh, one more thing, the Bohemian look is back. Remember Cher? Also, curly hair, perms, the Afro! It appears the designers are caught in a time capsule. As for Astro hair, where should I begin?

Aries — Curls. If your hair is naturally straight, consider a perm.

Taurus — Dark blonde base, light blonde highlights, no cut.

Gemini — A shaggy bob with soft-razored ends.

Cancer — Start with platinum silver streaks.

Leo — After getting blonde highlights, cover with rose gold, long and wavy.

Virgo — Shoulder length, side bang, chocolate brown.

Libra — Middle part, long with large waves, bayolage with blonde.

Scorpio — Bouncing curls, mid length. Get out the electric rollers.

Sagittarius — Vibrant copper red with hand-painted golden highlights.

Capricorn — Blonde base with light brown highlights. Layered, let it hang.

Aquarius — Cher look-alike. Straight bang and long. Iron it. Color mahogany, some black lowlights.

Pisces — Dusty lavender, short back, long sides, wispy bangs.

Carolyn Salvaggio

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/web1_star5.jpgCarolyn Salvaggio Amanda Hrycyna | Weekender

Aquarius is a Cher look-alike this month with a straight bang and long, ironed hair.

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/web1_SonnyCher1966.jpgAquarius is a Cher look-alike this month with a straight bang and long, ironed hair. Amanda Hrycyna | Weekender

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Sure, you can punish a kid for doing something bad, or reward them for being good, but ultimately this is absolutely the most limited way to prepare someone for a rich and fulfilling life. Forget consequences and treats, which might work on a small child but would never work on anyone able to think for themselves. At some point, the only way to get a person to conform to your ideals or methods is to convince them that it’s simply the most satisfying or effective way to live life. If you can’t convince anyone of that, you have to ask yourself: why the hell did you choose it?

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Leos, ruled by the sun, are sometimes as impossible to ignore as the massive ongoing nuclear reaction that sustains life on Earth. People do ignore the sun, though, or forget about it, or take it for granted. Clouds get in the way. Air conditioning cools them down, and they forget all about the warmth and radiance you offer. That’s not easy on a Leonine ego, but you have to get over it. Although people can do without you for short periods, they do ultimately need you. Get through your social dry spells without getting bitter. They won’t last long.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

We’re moving ever closer to a transparent society. Lots of people Instagram, tweet, or otherwise document their lives. Many cops have begun video-recording every encounter in case the footage is useful in court. Ubiquitous public cameras and drones utterly shatter the illusion of privacy. Although this has its downsides, I think it’s mostly positive; greater transparency means greater accountability. The more people know about you, the more impressed they’ll be, and the more you know about them, the more choices you’ll have, like whether to nail their asses to the wall, or forgive them, for what they’re doing (or not doing).

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Most studies about weight loss or weight gain seem to show one thing: fat people tend to stay fat, in the long run, and skinny people tend to stay skinny. Of course, a determined person with a long-term plan could probably have whatever body shape they want, but mostly our bodies find a size they’re comfortable with, and push us to return to that whenever we diverge from it. So what does this mean? We can’t change? We might as well give up? No, I don’t think so. It’s just that the change you’re contemplating might require a bit more effort than you’re putting in. You choose: Call it quits, or step it up three notches. There’s no point in simply continuing as you have. You’ll just fail.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You’ll find as you get older that you just get better and better. Some other signs find aging bewildering, and don’t know how to cope as they and their friends become old people and die. But Scorpios are more prepared for these inevitabilities, and so you’re not shocked by wrinkles and other signs of age. In fact, you can be a bastion of strength and support and guidance as people freak out. Scorpios need to ripen, I often say. That should be a comforting feeling, to know that every taste of you someone gets will, generally, be more satisfying and delicious than the last.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Anyone who’s determined can make a podcast. The medium’s exploded in the last decade, not because there’s tons of money in it; only a small percentage of producers really make any money off of them. And yet I still think you could call them a tremendous success, if you judge them simply on their variety, interactivity, and phenomenal creativity. What values are you applying to your life at the moment? Is the thinness of your wallet influencing your sensibilities? Please don’t let it. Assess things (and people) on the richness they bring to your life, not the riches.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Capricorns excel at selective deafness and deliberate ignorance. Sometimes you choose to dumb yourselves down or blind yourselves to certain things, in order to maintain the status quo. It’s not that you can’t cope with inevitable change, it’s that sometimes you’re the last ones to do so. Screw that. I’m fed up with your reputation as the intractable dinosaurs of the zodiac. The truth is you’re better equipped, resources-wise (financial, personal, and so on) than most of the rest of us to thrive in dynamic circumstances. I’ve never, ever doubted that you can. The question is: will you?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The scientific community, throughout the last century or two, has usually presented its findings as fact, when in fact they’re simply theories. We human beings actually don’t know much about anything, even though we sometimes act as if we’ve got it all figured out. Most people just accept what they hear without questioning it. You can’t be so generous. One of your jobs, Aquarius, is Bullshit Detector. This week, read between the lines, out loud, for the rest of us. Don’t be swayed by propaganda and unsubstantiated accusations or statements. We need the truth, and you might be the only one who can penetrate that far and share it with us.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Every Pisces I know uses coping mechanisms that ultimately make things harder on themselves. Getting wasted, to use an obvious example, might enable a grand night, but will make being productive and happy during the next day or two much harder. My advice? Take a month off from your crutches. Don’t drink, smoke, have cheap sex, or whatever it is you do to supposedly make life a little easier to bear. After 30 days without your comforts and buffers, you will know more clearly what you should add back in to make life better—and what you shouldn’t, because it does more harm than good, overall.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

The Tyrannosaurus Rex we grew up with is a myth. So might be the one some paleontologists present now, but still they believe their theories to be closer to the truth: T-Rex was probably a slow-moving scavenger, not the roaring, monstrous predator that tickles our imaginations. The Aries most people have in their brains is a myth, too. Sure, just like the supposed king of the dinosaurs, you can have your impressive moments, and you’re certainly capable of being larger than life. But you’re also a million other things. Even though those other aspects are less dramatic than most Ram stereotypes, they’re no less relevant. Unravel some astrological prejudices this week by showing off some of your less obvious facets.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Information wants to be free, they say, and sometimes it breaks out and spreads virally, like the code that lets tech-geeks copy various types of video discs. The supposed powers that be tried to censor it; consequently, it exploded all over the Interweb. Trying to cover something up or suppress it will only backfire, Libra. (Books banned by the Christian right, for example, often skyrocket up bestseller lists.) Secrets get out. You’re deluding yourself if you think yours will stay hidden forever. When information you don’t want known surfaces this week, don’t get in its way. It will just knock you down and continue on, stronger.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin recently decided to host a couple women-only viewings of Wonder Woman. These two showings (out of many) created a ridiculous backlash among small-minded, petty, entitled guys who resented that they were being excluded from just two showings of the movie. Their privileged mindsets, which couldn’t accept being left out of anything, became the object of righteous ridicule all over the Internet, but also demonstrated the bubble that men live in in this country (and all over the world, really) and their obliviousness that there are many things non-white, non-straight non-male people are left out of in this world. This week, if you are part of the privileged, be understanding that those who aren’t in your lucky shoes sometimes need a space of their own. And if you’re not a white straight dude, seek out spaces that are there to celebrate who you are.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Equilibrium and stability are possible. They’re just boring, compared with the precipitous ups and downs that normally characterize your existence. However, those chapters of constancy and routine, though less exciting, are chances to get a lot done, because it’s easy to be productive when you’re not coping with emotional crises. You haven’t steered for calmer waters in a while, since you generally (secretly) prefer stormier seas. But as you have an awful lot going on right now, perhaps this is a good time to sail your boat into some tranquil port to make repairs, and simply get shit done?

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

For some Leos in relationships, the other person barely matters. These Lions don’t so much especially love their partners; they love themselves, with that person. I don’t expect all of you to utterly shatter the mirror you always hold up to yourselves, but some Leos really do need to cut it down to a smaller, more manageable size. (You know who you are.) See past your own reflection long enough to notice people in their own lives, not simply for the parts they play in your grand drama. In other words, love people for who they are, not just who they inspire you to be.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Subconscious expectations determine so much of our experience. Children told a scary story about bears, even if they laugh all the way through it, will be quite likely to mistake bushes for beasts on a night walk through the woods afterwards. So often, we see simply what we think we’ll see, whether it’s there or not. This week, work on stripping down some of your filters, and trying to dispassionately perceive things more as they are. If you must delude yourself by seeing things that aren’t there, at least conjure images that will empower you, not frighten or intimidate you.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Every sign evolves, naturally. Leos mellow out and become more modest, generous and loving. Capricorns become more charmingly childlike with every passing year. And Libras learn how to leave things out of balance. While equilibrium is certainly a pleasant state, it isn’t especially conducive to change. It’s also—when you’re the one providing the balance to a situation—quite limiting. You only get to be what the group dynamic, job, or relationship requires, instead of fulfilling your true potential, which is likely much, much more than what’s being asked of you in any given moment. Screw that. Let things be out of whack, if it means you get to be who you really are, rather than what everyone else “needs” you to be.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I’ve been vegetarian for 27 years (saving 5500 animals and keeping over 43,000lbs. of carbon dioxide from being released into the atmosphere). I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with eating meat (though don’t get me started on the damnable horror of factory farming). That’s nature. Animals eat each other. I’ve simply made a choice that’s right for me, and I wouldn’t think to impose it upon anyone else (though I would encourage everyone to consume free-range animals, for your health, and soul). It’s quite likely your decisions are right for you, and only you. Insisting that someone else follow your exact path is robbing them of the freedom you enjoyed when you chose it in the first place. Don’t do it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Some people think that dreams access some other plane of reality; others assume they simply tap into some internal wisdom not consciously available. Many people use their dreams to ask questions they don’t know the answers to in waking life, and get answers that surprise, inspire, and enlighten them. In my experience Sagittarians—notoriously relentless truth-seekers—are the best at this (I’d love to hear about a time you got an answer to an important question in a dream: sign.language.astrology@gmail.com). The answer to your life’s current most burning question might not be found in your dreams (though I’d look there first), but it will almost certainly be found someplace nearly as unusual.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

What are you, a Pisces? Suddenly, you’re as giddy and distracted as a virgin on prom night. Perhaps it’s recent developments, or maybe you’re preoccupied with some other big event, so you can’t focus all your attention on the present moment. Snap out of it, Cap. We need you to be in especially sharp form this week, to cut through some of the spin and bullshit that’ll be flying our way. What is it that’s buying up so much of your mental real estate? Is it anything you can do anything about now? No? Then take your thoughts off the market and bring them to bear on the situation on hand, which you can dominate and own—if you actually show up.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Pirates are huge these days. Like other similar recollections of past eras (renaissance fairs, for example), popular perception of pirates reflects a sort of “best of” mentality. We take (and exaggerate) the best bits, and ignore or leave out the rest. You’re good at this, aren’t you? You romanticize memories so well, you end up pining over someone who actually made you miserable at the time. It’s nice to remember the sweet moments; just don’t forget the shit, too, lest you lose perspective. Spinning a fairy tale out of pirates and knights is one thing. Making one out of your past relationships, though, is nothing short of disaster.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Despite my frequent Pisces-bashing, you should know I adore you. You seem to operate in another, parallel reality which differs from ours in many subtle, incredible ways. This is occasionally confounding or bewildering, but also almost always fascinating and inspiring. That’s a gift. Just by being yourself, you get to encourage us to experience life in ways we might have had trouble imagining before. If you could also be on time or develop some consistent stick-to-it-iveness, that’d be great. But never forget your true strength: you’re weird, and unique, in how you live and see the world. Sharing that truly outweighs all the rest.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You’re like a plant whose leaves are drooping from lack of water. Unfortunately, no one’s noticing, and endless blue skies indicate no rain for days. Luckily, you’re not actually a plant, doomed to wither away in the summer sun. You’ve got a voice, one you’re not usually afraid to use to demand what you want and need. Since when did you start letting yourself get shut down? I know those holding you back insist you ought to not require so much water and sunlight (or love and affection) to live and thrive. But you do. Stop depriving yourself because of those assholes. Speak up and ask for what you need, regardless of what they say, or think.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

How comfortable are you inside your own skin, your own life? Some Taureans still maintain a certain façade to hide their true selves. When people are coming over, for example, you clean the house the way you never would for yourself, hiding the porn and junk food detritus. A lot of that has to do with simply making your guests comfortable, but at least some of it reflects a kind of certainty that people will only like a cleaned-up, more “acceptable” version of you. That’s selling most of your friends short. Let us see the real you. We’ll like it, I promise—and you’ll like us liking it, because that means more fun and intimacy all around.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Geminis hate missing out on anything. You hear music, fireworks, excitement, or chaos down the street, and you’re off like a flash, dropping whatever you were doing without a second thought. You hate it when you hear about something exciting your friends did that you totally missed out on. This pressure to always be there, in the thick of things, means you don’t always take the time for yourself that you need. You can’t bear to say no to an invitation to anything, because what if it turns out to be the most exciting event of the month? Well this week, there’s nothing to miss. It’s time to chill. Say no as often as necessary until you get the “me time” you desperately need, and then some.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-1.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Fear captures the imagination. It compels. It’s sensational and attention-grabbing. It’s also soul-numbing and incredibly restricting. How limited are you by fear? First, count all the influences on you that try to make you afraid. That might mean your well-meaning friend delivering a warning, or a 10-second spot for the evening news, or some fear-mongering political propaganda, or your intimidating boss, or a million other things. I think you’ll be surprised at how often you’re influenced and encouraged to feel afraid. Then consider this: only the tiniest fraction of all that shit is worth listening to and worth limiting yourself for, in the name of reasonable caution. Reject, utterly, the other 90%. Then do your best to excise it from your life.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Finally, you’re ready to get real concerning your relationships. For too long you’ve been letting your totally unrealistic (and beautiful) dream relationships get in the way of having real ones. It’s a tougher choice to make than it sounds, choosing between the gorgeous fantasy and clunkier, chunkier reality. But eventually you’ll realize it’s no choice at all—something (with its own beauty and satisfaction) is a whole lot better than nothing. You can still indulge in the dream, in the privacy of your own mind. But never let it come between you and the real thing, which is, ultimately, harder to live without.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Consider the wisdom of your body, the way it can absorb knowledge and make actions automatic. I’m talking about the way you can drive, or ride a bike, without thinking about it. I love how I can look at my computer screen and watch the words I’m thinking simply appear, because my fingers are so used to finding the keys. Too many of your screw-ups happen simply because you over-think them. You try too hard. Just relax, and trust to the work and practice you’ve already put in. You might find you already rock at whatever it is you’re trying to do.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Sum peepl advoekaet sum kiends of spelling reform, as a wae of elimnaeting redundint lettrs and to supoesdly enhants corrispondnts with the wae we speek English. As U can see heer, it’s serpriezingly reedibl, and yet sumthing about it leevs U coeld. Saem goes for the cuts and chaenjs U hav contemplaetid laetly. Lief wil go on without thoes missing peesis. It miet even be mor efishent (tho it’s aktoouly mor liekly to be similerly complikaetd bi ur eferts to simplifi it). The maen qestchun is: will it be betr? I think not. Leave the extra letters and pieces in, and make the best of things as they are.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Escape the oppression of noise. You need space to unfold, relax, expand. You’d be surprised at how noise prevents you from properly doing that. Nearby construction, lawn-mowing, neighbors’ stereos, dogs barking, traffic, and so on; these can all build up and make it so you can barely hear yourself think. You may believe you’ve developed a technique to screen most of that shit out, but it’s actually slowly wearing you down. Find some true peace and quiet this week, whether that means retreating deep into the country, or into a sensory-deprivation tank. You won’t know what you’ve been missing until you find some actual silence. Then you’ll wonder how you functioned happily without it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

If you’re going to travel, do it right. Being a weekend tourist’s simply not the Sagittarian way. Sure, it’s fun to see the sights and splash out on a nice meal, but you’re not really fulfilling your potential unless you get under the skin of a place, and that means staying there for weeks or months, at least, and learning at least a bit of the language. Not many people have that luxury, but I hope you find a way. Until you do, practice. Don’t flit along the surface of your life. Even when you encounter situations you find unpleasant, dig into them. Find out what’s behind, underneath, and inside them, what makes them tick. You might just find something surprising there that makes your life richer.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Capricorns have this reputation for practicality that you simply don’t deserve. Efficiency and effectiveness? Absolutely. But pragmatism? Not so much. Your tendency towards extremes is what makes you so successful, at times. It can also destroy your relationships and sometimes your happiness. You just don’t do things halfway, most of the time. Generating perfect equilibrium and walking the middle of the road is boring, I know. This week, though, I hope you’ll make an exception to that general rule, because only going halfway to the extreme you’re capable of would be just the right amount.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You’ve done the nightmare relationship. The break-up is like waking up. “What was I even thinking?” you demand, and your friends, who tried to give you a reality check all along, can only shrug and wish you hadn’t ignored them back then, before you “wasted” all this time. It doesn’t have to be wasted time, though—if you learn your lesson from it. Ignore what those experiences taught you, and you’ll just find yourself sleepwalking through another few months, years, or relationships while your friends roll their eyes and gradually lose patience and faith. Is that you, destined to be an old fool who can’t help reliving history, over and over? Or can you get wiser while you get older, too?

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

The mid-20th-century residents of Tulsa, Oklahoma created a time capsule for folks fifty years later, burying a 1957 Plymouth Belvedere Sport Coupe under the County Courthouse lawn. Although it was swaddled in rust-resistant preservatives and placed inside a concrete sarcophagus, it was essentially a car-shaped pile of rust when they unearthed it a half a century later. Those 1957 folk probably pictured the future mayor proudly getting into that car, starting it up, and driving away, amid cheering masses, but that didn’t quite work out. That happens to many of our intentions for our future selves. They don’t play out quite as we imagined. Keep making them anyway. Even if the car you bury now doesn’t start in a few decades, you’ll at least generate a pretty cool piece of conceptual art.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Everyone wants to be loved. Sometimes having such a strong personal viewpoint, you Rams can forget that other people are as insecure, scared, needy, or hurt as you are. Most of the time when they act badly towards you, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own shit. Try to retain that perspective this week, and not take it personally when someone buries you under their baggage. You don’t have to carry it, but adding to it with your own will just make everyone (including you) more miserable. This week, do what you can to lighten others’ loads, without adding too much to your own.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Billions of bees have semi-mysteriously disappeared over the last decade or so. They simply never came back to their hives. No one can definitively prove why (though there are some compelling theories). Without bees, human survival is very unlikely, so losing those little pollinators is a frightening prospect. So much of life is dependent on their busy little lives. We need bees. Love the bees! In fact, take note of all the little things that make your life better, the things other people and creatures do for you, and give them all a little overdue love and appreciation this week—in hopes that they’ll keep doing it.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

It’s an exciting time to be alive. We teeter on the verge of greatness and disaster. I believe we will, in our lifetimes, either get to some kind of significantly different chapter of human existence, or destroy ourselves (or both). I also believe that we aren’t always aware of just how much of an impact we can have, as individuals, on the kind of future we create—in any case, it’s more than you think. Don’t believe yourself powerless, even if you’re not as powerful as you think you should be. Do everything you can, even if you think the effort meaningless; it’ll turn out to be more impactful than you think.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-2.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Boho chic is the hairstyle for July 2017, and if you were one of the wild ones who went to Woodstock for that famous weekend, you can recall that long, loose, wavy hair and flowers in your hair was the rage. Let’s not forget bandanas tied around gals’ foreheads.

The name of the song was “The Age of Aquarius,” but I believe that age is upon us now, so let the sun shine; let the sunshine in. Enjoy those lazy strolls on the beach and especially the ocean waves. For those gals with long hair, there are numerous ways to create loose waves without fussing while on vacation. Braid your hair in the morning before breakfast, release the braids before dinner, shake your head and enjoy the sunset with the summer drink of your choice.

Aires — Gather hair to one side, braid it. If you’re talented, try a fishtail braid.

Taurus — Bask in the sun and enjoy the natural highlights it bestows upon you for free. Sleep with a three-strand braid, release it in the morning, throw some conditioner on it, and then repeat yesterday.

Gemini — Because it is difficult for you to settle on one style, French braid left side, twist right side, ponytail the back.

Cancer — Pull the sides up, fasten and make a top bun. Let the back hang.

Leo — If your hair is blond, have your stylist hand paint some red or auburn streaks. (Not Crayola red. I’m barring those crayon colors from this year’s vacation.)

Virgo — Dark ebony parted in the middle. When you return from the beach, iron it straight.

Libra — After a swim, let your fingers play with your hair while you lay in the sun. By sunset you’ll look like a goddess.

Scorpio — Keep knotting your wet beach hair. Release knots before cocktail hour. Did you get a perm?

Sagittarius — Remember Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s?” Make a French twist, remove it at bedtime, and travel around the world with that special someone.

Capricorn — Comb your hair, tease the top from forehead to crown. Let the sides and back fall loosely. Brush the tease back away from your face. You are truly Boho chic.

Aquarius — When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars (that should be in October), you’ll dream of your vacation at the beach when you wore an iridescent bandana around your forehead which made your long, wavy hair sparkle at sunset.

Pisces — Turn your auburn hair upside down, fasten at the side of the crown. (Pretend you’re tying your little one’s shoelaces.) Make a big hair bow. Paint your lips ruby red, put on a pair of large sunglasses, and strut. Ooh la la.

See you in August.

Carolyn Salvaggio

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/web1_star5.jpgCarolyn Salvaggio Amanda Hrycyna | Weekender

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

It’s so great how you already know everything, Leo. It makes my job a lot easier, as well as anyone who thought they could actually teach you something. How do you live with being so perfect? Oh, you’re not perfect? Because sometimes you come off as if you think you are. Sure, you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve. You’ve been around the block a few times. But when it comes right down to it, you are, like every other human on the planet, pretty much clueless about, well, about everything. Inject some humility into your routine. Remember that you, too, have tons left to learn, and will never get it all. Then, and only then, will you even get some.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

If you were here last week, I would have sat on you, and forced you to enjoy some sunshine and beautiful weather, and to ignore everything else you had to do. Of course, you wouldn’t have been able to relax and enjoy it, because of some incredible panic and frenzy about your neglected To-Do list. Has anyone tried to sit on you lately, and make you be lazy? I hope so, even though I doubt they were successful. Still, this would be a good week to chill out. Do it the Virgo way, if you have to (which you probably do), and get the most important shit out of the way, so when you ignore the rest, you don’t freak out. Then, really ignore the rest and, naturally, don’t freak out.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Libras are sponges. You soak up whatever’s around you, good or bad, and incorporate much of it into who you are. Sometimes you need a good squeeze, to lose some of your crap, stuff you absorbed ages ago and have never gotten rid of. You also need to surround yourself with high-quality people. I hope you’ve already done that, at least, and if you haven’t — what the hell have you been doing? Find yourself some keepers, pronto. Then, get those good, caring, smart, and inspiring people to give you the squeeze you need — both metaphorically and for real, to get rid of the old bad, and make room for the new good.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

We are, in general, getting smarter as we get older. For example, people usually score higher and higher on IQ tests as they age. Of course, that makes sense. Using your brain is practicing thinking, which means you’ll get better at it. The main problem here is atrophy. There are parts of yourself you haven’t used in ages. You’re way out of practice, whether it’s your tennis backhand or your heart you’re trying to use. You might be too daunted to get them back into play. I understand your trepidation, but it’s time to get over that. Oil up those squeaky, rusted joints, and give it a go. You’ll be amazed at how quickly all those half-forgotten skills come back.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Some people feel paralyzed because they feel disempowered, like they can’t do anything. They imagine they have no choices. That’s usually not you, Sag. If anything, you’re paralyzed by too many options. When you can make virtually anything happen, go anywhere, and do whatever you like, choosing just what you’re going to do can be a trial. Some Sags are so befuddled that they end up not doing anything. I hope that’s not you, squandering so much brilliant potential. If you really and truly don’t know what to do with yourself, I bet you know someone who’ll give you an earful on the subject. If your internal guiding voice is unclear, why not try listening to them?

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Stop thinking of your body as a machine that needs to be maintained and fed. It’s time to consider it, instead, as simply a source of pleasure, whatever its shape, limitations, or imperfections. Many Caps regard their corporeal forms as simply vehicles to carry their brains around in, and do their absolute best to ignore their bodies, ignoring or denying the pleasures of a hedonistic meal, a good shit, a fantastic shag, a massage, or a million other things. Is your body inconvenient and annoying? That’s screwed up. Find a way to regard it as a pleasure-manufacturer, and let it be just that.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

There’s a difference between confidence and ego. You don’t need to be the best at anything, or push harder than everyone else. Go for that, if that’s your thing, but I would suggest a more modest, achievable, and satisfying goal: simply being well and truly comfortable in your own skin, your own life. Ambition is all well and good, and I hope you don’t give it up. All I’m suggesting is that in the meantime, you also be happy with who and what you are. Being sweetly comfy in your own skin isn’t perhaps your ultimate goal in your life—but if your dream doesn’t at least include this vital step, you’re missing something important.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

People practice stuff in their dreams all the time, and then show amazing, measurable improvement the very next time they try it. Studies have found that virtually the same neural pathways are exercised in the brain when you dream about doing something as when you actually do it. It’s true, you can only get so far by thinking (or dreaming) about something; eventually you just have to actually do it. However, you can get a lot further than you imagine. Perhaps a bit of mental practice (awake or asleep) is what you need, to succeed.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

If all you need are willpower and determination, you’re golden. However, if a situation requires more from you— tact, say, or long-term discipline — you might be screwed, as they’re hardly your natural strengths. You can develop them, however, until you can deliver a back-handed compliment as well as any Capricorn, or put your nose to the grindstone with the humble fortitude of a Virgo, or listen as sensitively as a Cancer. There are a few skills you could stand to improve on. You know what they are, and you know pure desire and drive aren’t suitable substitutions. This week, work on the pieces you’re missing.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Just take a chance. Sometimes people are open to you, but lack the confidence or the motivation to stick their necks out and take a risk making the first move. It might not be fair that you always have to be the one who risks appearing the fool, but right now that’s just the way it is, if you want anything exciting or interesting to happen. Of course, you always have the option of the same old nothing you’ve settled for so far; simply do nothing. Don’t risk rejection or embarrassment. That’s certainly easier. It’s also incredibly dull. I believe you’re more fascinating than that. Prove me right.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Forgive and forget. Holding a grudge, no matter how justified, is like wearing a fifty-pound weight around your neck. It requires so much energy and represents such a burden that you might as well just give up doing anything fun, dynamic, or brilliant until the score is settled. Geminis are supposed to be footloose and fancy-free. It’s part of your charm. That means getting over and moving on from your setbacks as swiftly as possible, and remembering how to delight in life again, good and bad. This week, shed the fifty-pound weight (and any others) you might be carrying, and get over whatever they are, already. It’s time to fly again. It’s already been too long.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Don’t be impatient. You actually have the answers to most of your questions already. Three seconds of reflection would make you realize it. While I admire your willingness to simply ask others — a skill many other signs utterly lack — it’s often unnecessary. Sometimes you ask the question to whoever’s nearby before you ask it of yourself, and realize you already knew the answer (or could have easily figured it out) if you’d just bothered to try before opening your mouth. I’m being nitpicky, I know. But sometimes nitpicky stuff like that means the difference between getting the job, the date, the adoring spotlight, or not.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-3.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Choose your battles more carefully. Sometimes, you get carried away, simply because you know you’re right. This, however, isn’t about right or wrong. It’s not worth arguing about for so many reasons: Perhaps the person you’re complaining to doesn’t actually have the power to change anything, or it might simply be too complicated. Your head’s already dented enough, from slamming into brick walls. Spare yourself further injury by carefully assessing the obstacles before you. Some are squishy and malleable, and some are as immovable and solid as mountains. Learn to recognize which is which, already, would you?

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

I’m a realist, especially about love affairs. I’m both incredibly romantic and phenomenally cynical. I advised a friend of mine, who’s dating a beautiful 18-year-old French model, to enjoy every minute of it, precisely because it won’t last forever. He was adamant in his naïve faith that they’d die together, of old age, in a hundred years. “Come on,” I scolded him. “How many teen models stay with their first boyfriends for the rest of their lives?” I think it’s better to recognize the ephemeral nature of all things—especially things like love affairs with teen beauties—so as to better enjoy them, rather than deny that they’ll ever change or go away, and possibly take them for granted until they do. Don’t you?

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Telling someone you’re in love with them will change everything between you two, forever—sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Librans are notoriously susceptible to illusions regarding this very subject, both in how they imagine people might react to such a declaration, and how things could be afterwards in either case. I don’t mean to make mountains out of molehills. Maybe this ought to be a molehill. Unfortunately, it’s simply not. It’s a mountain. Make sure you’re ready for such a radical change in your internal landscape before you invite Mount Everest in to stay.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

In all my travels, I’ve learned to cherish being lost the most. Even when it’s stressful, because I hoped to be somewhere at a certain time, I’ve found, from experience, that these are the moments that will become stories and treasured memories later, and lead to discoveries I never would have made otherwise, both in life and about myself. This applies to emotional journeys as well as physical ones. Remember this the next time you’re lost and late: It’s actually the best thing that could have happened to you, far cooler than just arriving at your destination, uneventfully and on time.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You’ve got an opinion about everything. Luckily, you’re also usually quite flexible and open-minded. You’ll admit you’re wrong, if someone makes a good case for the opposing viewpoint. You do, however, have a couple blind spots, born out of social programming you absorbed when you were just a little kid, mostly about relationships. In those cases, it hardly matters how well someone presents another viewpoint; you just refuse to see it. This time, though, an eighteen-wheeler looms in that blind spot. Either you acknowledge it and at least make some effort to accommodate it, or it’s going to send you crashing into a tree, and you’ll be in emotional traction for a year. Adjust your mirrors. It’s easier to fix a dented dream than recover from a full-on crash-and-burn.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Some people are content to just toss some food into the microwave, then eat it when it’s hot. Others, though, want to know how it got hot, how the thing works. They take apart televisions, computers, cars, and—emotionally, at least—people. They want to know what makes you and everything else tick. Whether or not you’re one of these curious kittens, I suggest you borrow a bit of their inquisitiveness this week, because some fascinating stuff lurks just beneath the surface of things. It would explain a lot about why your life is the way it is, and why your relationships are the way they are. Don’t dismantle anything you can’t put back together, but at least open the lid and peep inside.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Of course I’m addicted to the Internet. It’s the closest thing to the sum total of human knowledge that has ever existed, and I love having all that information no more than a Google search away. It has made my brain a bit lazy, in some ways, though. I’ve never been much of a retainer of trivia, but recalling random facts is mostly beyond me now. Instead, I remember how to find that information; which websites to begin with, and how to extract that particular nugget from the vastness that is the Web. I’ve accepted my cyborg-hood. When will you acknowledge, admit to, and own the crutches you’re using—both good and bad—to make you more than you are?

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Expose yourself to stuff. The city mouse is more wily and resourceful than the country mouse not because they’re gifted with superior genetics, but simply because they’ve encountered a greater variety of challenging situations that have forced them to become more than they were. Leading a sheltered little country mouse life may appeal to you sensitive Pisceans, but it’s poor preparation for the future. Life intrudes, even in the country. Wouldn’t you rather be exposed to its dangers on your own terms, by your own choice? It’s certainly better than waiting until they simply barge in, unannounced, and force you to deal.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Start hollering and waving your arms, Aries. Jump up and down. Make sure everyone knows where you are. People are looking for you, but you’ve maintained such a low profile lately that they can’t find you. Emerge from your little bubble of familiar people and situations. I’m glad you’ve outgrown your need to always stand out from the crowd, but I hope you haven’t forgotten how. Make a spectacle of yourself this week, so that those who need someone like you in their lives can figure that out, and ask you to join them.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

I’d bet that far fewer than 1 in 12 early adopters of smartphones, back in the day, were Taureans. You lot are generally more cautious about your acquisitions, and rather than waiting in line to be the first person you know to have the nifty gadget, most of you would prefer to wait to see how much of an issue fingerprints are, or how else the thing might fail to live up to its hype, before you shell out your own hard-earned cash for it. Let other people be the guinea pigs, you figure. Fine. Sometimes, though, you have no choice but to try something out for yourself. The smartphone is not one of them, but the relationship before you is. You can’t accept others’ reviews, this time. You have to write your own hype, then live up to it.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

The reason alternative medicine is so popular these days is only partially because it’s surprisingly helpful, in many cases. It’s also more fun than waiting for your HMO to screw you, and it’s more affordable in any case. The mainstream health care industry is totally screwed up. There are ways and there are ways, whether you’re trying to heal your body or your heart (or someone else’s body or heart). Don’t just stick to the most obvious solution (especially since it can’t or won’t work). Experiment with alternatives. Good ones, preferably. They’re out there. All you have to do is look.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

This weekend could be your most important one this year, or it could pass entirely unremarked. It will be precisely what you make of it, like any other weekend, but right now there are unique opportunities to inaugurate new chapters or finally put into action carefully-considered decisions. Will you take advantage of them? Please don’t complain that you’re not ready. Get ready. This is your kick in the ass. How long were you planning to wait before you got your shit together, after all? Step up and do it now. Or wait another year (and probably three more, besides). It’s up to you.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

The next two weeks are a brilliant time to try to bring some project, idea, or personal goal to fruition and fulfillment. Can you possibly swing the timing? I know it’s short notice, but I think it’s still possible to get your shit together, if you try. See that mile marker up ahead? The one you’ve been headed towards for a while now? Accelerate. Pedal to the metal, baby. See if you can reach it before the next big fat round full moon. If you succeed, the light it sheds is likely to make the route beyond that intermediary goal incredibly, excitingly clear.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

What would you tell someone whose plan to lose weight involves eliminating cheesecake, and nothing else? Hopefully, you’d mention that they’re sadly deluding themselves. Darling, that’s what I’m here to do for you. Your goal may have nothing to do with losing weight; nevertheless your approach is about as realistic as the No Cheesecake Diet. It’s sad that you’re entertaining such preposterous illusions; you’re usually so accomplished and down-to-earth. Where’s your hard-nosed realism now? You need a dose of it. Wake up and figure out what you really need to do, to get the job done. Otherwise, you’re just missing out on delicious cheesecake for no reason.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Stop biting your tongue. If you’ve got an opinion, by all means share it. Your famous open-mindedness often translates into blandness, because you rarely appear to have strong feelings in any particular direction. Now, I know that’s not true. Although you rock at seeing both sides of any equation, there are times when you are solidly on one side of the fence or the other, instead of straddling it. Speak up, baby, and now. The folks you want to impress are so bored by wallflowers and flip-floppers that they might not give you a second chance.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I’m mostly annoyed by that cliché about new doors opening when old ones get slammed in your face. That old saw’s stuck around so long, however, because there’s truth in it. That relationship or opportunity that slipped through your fingers was not perfect for you, even though you probably thought it was. There are a million new possibilities before you, even though they might not be immediately visible. Part of the problem is you’re not exactly looking for them. Even right in front of your nose, you might not see them, because you’re blinded by disappointment. You don’t have to get over that disappointment, not yet. But can you at least try to look past it?

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue. When your friend hooks up with someone you dislike (or despise), watch how you express your disapproval. That can quickly spiral downwards into a lose-lose situation, if you’re not careful. On the one hand, you wouldn’t be a good friend if you didn’t put in your honest two cents. On the other, don’t you dare put in three. It’s your job to stop them from making any huge mistakes, even if it means risking your friendship. But letting your buddy make a bunch of smaller mistakes, and learn a lesson the hard way (which sticks) might ultimately be the kindest thing you can do.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You Caps can be a little bit clueless about certain social situations. Sometimes you’re not aware that you’ve crossed a line until long after you stepped over it, and been slapped for doing so. To you, some of those lines are just plain invisible. There are ways around these limitations, though. Heck, even some autistic people, who have trouble interpreting ambiguous social cues (like facial expressions, for instance) find ways to navigate the world nevertheless. This week, you ought to be especially good at recognizing your own blind spots. Luckily, you’ll be even better at inventing ways to work around them.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Screw multitasking. Sometimes you rock at it, sometimes you don’t. Right now … not so much. You’re so busy thinking about all the shit you have to do that you only devote half your attention to the task currently at hand. In other words, your performance sucks, at least compared to how fantastic it would be if you devoted yourself to it completely. The key: don’t allow yourself to be distracted by all those other things you’ll need to get to, eventually, nor by the many pure diversions that could derail you completely if you’re not careful. Be single-minded. Focus. Do one thing at a time, and nothing else. Not only will you finish it, and well, but also in record time — freeing you to move on to the second thing (but don’t even think about the third until that one’s done, please).

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

One thing I like about you Fish is that you don’t usually have contempt for people who are simple, even though you yourself are eminently complex. In fact, sometimes I think you envy anyone who can be single-minded about anything, because that’s something you’re not generally good at. There are times, however, when you might be able to put on blinders and devote most, if not all, of your attention and energy towards a single goal. This week is one of those rare, lucky occasions. Pick an ambitious target, block out everything else, and go for it.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Rain hangs heavy overhead. Poke a hole in the clouds and they’d explode, drenching all of us. You shouldn’t stay inside, though. The threat of downpour is worse than the reality. What’s holding you back is this illusion that if you don’t shake things up, the rain might not fall, or it might float on to fall on some other place, someone else’s life. Forget that. Expect to get wet. Know that you’ll be drenched to the bone, and shivering. You’ll also get to where you want to go, which ultimately outweighs all other considerations. Here’s your choice: stay inside, dry, and go nowhere, or endure a little misery and discomfort, but reach your destination. Come on. It’s a no-brainer.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Bodies have their own equilibrium. Studies show that it’s extremely hard to change the point at which your body is comfortable, when it comes to weight. It takes profound discipline and a lot more time than most people are willing to give it, to truly change the shape of your body. A lot of things take more time than you’d expect, and unless you really commit to them, for the long haul, you’ll never get anything but ongoing disappointment out of them. If you’re going to do something half-assed, you might as well spare yourself the trouble and not bother at all.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Don’t be shortsighted. I know part of this is actually a good thing, a desire to be present. But sometimes you fail to look far enough ahead to accurately gauge how you’ll feel a month from now, a year, a decade. Of course, knowing the future is impossible, but you could stand to do a bit more guessing about it. For example: Is the person you’re with someone you’ll still like in a year, or ten, or fifty? How’s your job (or the prospects it enables) going to suit you in a decade? It’s time for some projections. Send your imagination into the future and see what you can see. Then, when it gets back, it’s time to act on what you saw there.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

The worst thing that could happen right now is if you accepted your necessarily narrow and limited view of reality as the big picture. In that scenario, you’d probably feel that you had few or no choices, instead of recalling that the world is in fact rife with possibility. There are so many things you could do, so many different facets of life you could access. You might simply have to practice first remembering that they exist, then open yourself to them. This week, please make that your number one goal and pursue it diligently and relentlessly.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-1.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

I’ve decided to be a Scorpio this year. The timing of my Leo birthday is just way too inconvenient. I can do that. So can you. We’re Leos; we’re entitled. No one will really be fooled by my astrological switcheroo, of course, but out of love people will probably humor me and play along, and show up to my party in November. They’ll cut you some slack, too, regarding any similarly quirky and outlandish decisions you decide to make, so long as there’s a strong element of fun involved. Indulge your imaginative whims. Remake reality to suit yourself. There are no rules, so long as no one gets hurt. Self-reinvention is one of your superpowers. You’re not only allowed to do it, you’re encouraged.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You think you know efficiency? You haven’t even scratched the surface of being efficient. You need to take your ideas to a whole new level, and think of ways to conserve energy and time and have fun, too. Oh, it’s possible. Imagine playground equipment that generates energy as kids play on it. Every pump of the swing or turn of the merry-go-round does us all good. You see where I’m going here? We need more of that kind of creative thinking in the world. This week, luckily, that’s exactly the kind of thinking you’re especially good at. Wow us.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Your astrological symbol is the scale. You weigh things. The problem is that when they come out nearly even, you’re virtually paralyzed by indecision. Ironically, that means that whichever path or option you choose is as likely to work out as the other. Let me kick you back into action, by reminding you of this: there’s a third option you’ve forgotten to consider: running out of time, and missing out on either of the paths you’ve got before you. That would be unquestionably worse than those, I think you’ll agree. Choose, already. It’ll be fine.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Some miracles are more inane than inspiring. Sure, it’s pretty fantastic when someone’s terminal cancer goes away, whether the cause is divine intervention or chemotherapy, but who cares if the Virgin Mary appears on a piece of toast? Lately you’ve let yourself drift so far into the world of the mundane that you’re wowed by the truly mediocre. A cinnamon bun that looked like Mother Theresa (don’t they all, though?) would floor you, and that’s not good. It’s time reset your perspective. Simple “miracles” like nun-shaped pastries are all well and good; just don’t forget to look for truly transcendent ones, too.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

As individuals, we’re each becoming more and more powerful, with greater access to information, communication, and resources than most humans have had in the past. With greater power, however, comes greater capacity for harm (or help). Unfortunately, I think most people have a negative impact on the world at large; no one is pure evil, of course, but many people’s actions are generally making the world a worse and worse place to live. I believe we have the power to reverse that trend, but it won’t be easy. For everyone who chooses to improve the world, there are ten who don’t bother. It will take every ounce of our conscious choice and commitment to counter that. Are you ready to give that little bit more, to pick up the slack for those who can’t be bothered? I hope so. If not you, then who?

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Some things you just can’t rush, even inside your own head. Even when you know exactly where you’d like to end up, it’s hard to just leap to that place. You’ve got to hit all the milestones along the way, whether your journey is mental, spiritual, or physical. It’s good to be ambitious, and to push yourself. But be kind and patient to yourself too, please. Don’t let your keen drive to succeed steer you into a wall. This trip will take some time to complete, especially since there are whole sections of tortuous mountain roads entirely shrouded in fog. Give yourself that time, so that you can arrive, and in one piece.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Some birds have no sense of smell. Even if they had bigger brains, it would still be very hard for them to conceive of what an odor is. Similarly, you may think that what you see is what you get, when in reality there are so many things going on beneath the surface of what’s available to you. Luckily, you’re a lot smarter than a bird, and you have an imagination that can stretch infinitely far, if you exercise it enough. Since succeeding in the situation before you means becoming aware of more than what’s immediately apparent, I hope you’re able to be flexible enough to do so.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

I’m glad that you’re done letting people push you around. However, I hope you have enough awareness to be conscious of why they might try. They can’t know better than you do about what would make you happy, but that doesn’t mean they’re entirely clueless either. Consider what they have to say. Factor it in. Most likely the best solutions for you are ones that are complicated, and allow for the most possibilities, despite your general indecisiveness. Forging a complex reality in which many, many paths are open to you is of course more difficult and complicated than just settling for what’s right in front of you. Nevertheless, I think you’re capable of it, and ought to try.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

The shortest route between two points isn’t necessarily the best one, especially this week. Take a moment to stop and think, and check the map. Don’t opt for efficiency over effectiveness, joy, fun, or beauty. Your goal right now shouldn’t be getting from point A to point B as quickly and painlessly as possible. That route will leave you feeling miserable and empty, not accomplished. I’d rather you choose the path that adds the most richness, adventure, and inspiration to your life. Even if it takes ten times as long to make the trip, it’s well worth it.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Sometimes you may feel as if you’re in a submarine. Life feels like a billion trillion gallons of water pressing in on you from all sides, and only your will keeps it from crushing you completely. Still, every submarine needs to periodically surface, to refuel and restock supplies. You need to take a break from the crushing pressure. Even a day, a week, or a month might be time enough to check for cracks and change the air so you can properly breathe. Take the time you need. You have no choice, anyway; if something breaks, there’s no way you can do repairs down there. Better to surface now before you drown.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Even wet wood will burn, if you’re patient and persistent enough. You might have to work very hard to get it to turn into a strong, warm blaze, but it’s absolutely possible. Is it worth it, though? That’s the question before you now: Will you keep trying to get the soggy pile of twigs in front of you to ignite? It would turn into something like the bonfire you crave, eventually, but it might take a very long time. Or is it perhaps time to go searching for new wood that’s already dry and ready to burst into flame?

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

There’s something about your life right now that makes you weary, I know. It feels like a tremendous weight that you’ll be stuck with forever. It’s true that you might not be free of it for a very long time. However, it’s not yours alone to carry, even though it might seem that way. There are ways and ways, to shift the weight, or have someone else take over, if only for a little while. This week, work on that possibility. Get out from under the world you carry on your shoulders. Give yourself a couple weeks at least. The next time you pick up that burden, it will still be just as heavy as you remembered, but also a million times easier to bear.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-2.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

There are two eclipses this month; a lunar (full moon) eclipse on Aug. 7, and a total solar eclipse on Aug. 21 (new moon). If you are old enough to think back to August 1998, whatever happened then may reoccur at least vaguely.

Major decisions should not be made the week of either eclipse, and if your birthday is Aug. 7 or 21, the year ahead should be memorable.

Hair-wise, bobs were all over the fashion runways, short, medium, or shoulder length. This style is the coming season’s everywhere hair with the full pallet of colors. This 2017 bob sports full straight bangs, center or side part, square cut with hacked off ends. No short backs and long sides, just straight across. Of course you can wave it, etc. etc.

Ok, I hear the stars speaking, so I’ll relate it to you.

Aries — The eclipses are landing on your fifth house of creativity and 11th house of friendship. Make a hair appointment for you and your friend at the salon for color and a creative style. (Ask for suggestions first.)

Taurus — The eclipse is on your fourth house (home and family) and 10th house of career. You will likely start a new career, which will be outside of the home, so ask your stylist for the latest bob, and don’t forget hair color.

Gemini — Third house of siblings and ninth house of in-laws and distant journeys. Plan a stay vacation with siblings at a full spa like ours where you can enjoy luxury services, snacks and lunch.

Cancer — Second house of income and eighth house of investments. After you receive a check from your investments, make a salon appointment where you can address those four-inch roots.

Leo — First house of self and seventh house of partners. After asking your significant other for an honest opinion, you decide to change your appearance. I suggest you wait until the middle of September. By then you will have probably dropped five pounds and be well on your journey for a new you.

Virgo — Sixth house of health and 12th house of behind the scenes. Base color brown with golden highlights, haircut short back and sides, long top styled in a pompadour, then go for a physical and get plenty of rest.

Libra — Fifth house of children, 11th house of friends. Take the kids for back-to-school haircuts, and while you’re there, get a medium length bob for that Labor Day party with all your friends.

Scorpio — Fourth house of home, 10th house of career. If you’re buying a new home located near your job, arrange for the closing after the tenth of September. Keep your hair long so you can pull it up while you are decorating.

Sagittarius — Third house of neighbors and siblings, ninth house of long distance travel. The map is already spread out for the cruise you are planning next summer with your neighbors. Hair wise, choose a don’t-fence-me-in style you can change as fast as your brainwaves.

Capricorn — Second house of money, eighth house of partner’s money. He’ll be generous to you this month because he is visualizing your muddy hair color changing to platinum blonde. Quick, make that hair color appointment before he changes his mind.

Aquarius — First house of self, and seventh house of partners. The total solar eclipse is all about you. Change is in the air, but before you decide to marry him, leave him, or join a partnership, have a total remake. Facial, pedicure, manicure, cut, color, a Cleopatra tub and Vichy shower, then make an appointment with Iris. She’s truly psychic, and also she’ll balance you.

Pisces — Fifth house of creativity, 10th house of career. No one at work will be surprised by your wavy new bob with red highlights. You are used to being a trendsetter. Also, you may be in line for a new job position. You have been turning heads with the big boys who realize your creativity can produce business success.

Talk to you in September when the moon and sun will part.

Carolyn Salvaggio

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/web1_star5.jpgCarolyn Salvaggio Amanda Hrycyna | Weekender

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

End the internal debate at once. Sometimes you just have to make a decision, and resolve to simply live with the consequences. In this case, there are too many unknowns. Making a clear choice is just plain impossible; nothing’s the least bit obvious. Trying to factor all those variables into your plans would only make you nuts (or an unevolved Libra, endlessly dithering and never acting). It sucks to have to make a leap of faith while partially blindfolded, but let me assure you—it’s far better than not leaping at all. Let me also remind you: you almost always land on your feet, regardless of the mess you jump into. You will this time, too.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Don’t mess with success. I offer this trite cliché as valid advice, because your admirable ideas to shake things up and try something different will almost certainly backfire this week (making you doubt yourself even more than you already do). Save those great ideas and experiments for another week, when they’re more likely to succeed. For now, go with what you know. When in doubt, go retro. You don’t need to be cutting edge; your forte is being classy, not trendy. Why bother with the new when you can do the tried-and-true better than anyone you know?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Poor Pluto. More than a decade ago, it was demoted to “dwarf planet” status, when scientists discovered that there are even more massive versions of those roaming the edges of our solar system. What does this mean, astrologically? From some perspectives it could indicate that Scorpio stock is way down, that what you have to offer is steadily losing value. But I think it’s actually indicative of a new era—a new way of being a Scorpio. Our society is sorely in need of fresh, revolutionary perspectives about sex and death—two of your primal foci. No one is more qualified to figure out how to take what we think and feel about our sexuality and mortality and turn it on its head.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

In Centralia, Pennsylvania, unpredictable subterranean coal fires have been burning for decades. A while back the government declared the place too dangerous for habitation and offered to buy residents’ houses. Nearly everyone moved; as of 2013 only 7 die-hards remained. I can’t explain why they stuck it out, except, perhaps, out of sheer stubbornness; surely practically everything they ever loved about the place must have vanished with the fleeing residents. Are you still inhabiting somewhere (perhaps an idea, a relationship, or a situation) that no longer resembles the place you moved into? Maybe it changed for the better, but if it got worse, isn’t it time you moved out, especially if there’s a good alternative deal on offer?

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You might prefer not to multi-task. In general, you might even prove to be more efficient when you focus on only one thing at a time. This week, however, that’s a luxury you can’t afford, as there are likely to be thousands or millions of demands on your attention. If you give them each a number and ask them to wait their turn, you’ll soon be facing a mutiny. This is where you have to take your organization skills to new levels, and figure out how to do three, five, or eight things at once, without killing yourself or screwing them all up.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Many Aquarians devote significant chunks of their lives perfecting skills that arguably have little practical purpose, beyond being an enjoyable “waste of time.” They write poetry, they play Ping-Pong, they build model airplanes, and so on. Sure, at the outer edges of those eclectic interests lie possible sources of income or notoriety, or chances to make the world a significantly better place. I know you do what you do because it’s fun, and no other reason, but now is a good time to explore just how viable those options might be. How far can you take this obsessive hobby of yours, really? This week, find out.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Try to remember how insecure everybody is. Sometimes you get so caught up in your own self-doubts that you forget that everybody else is experiencing something like them, too. Consequently you take on more negativity than you ought to, convinced that any shit going down has everything to do with your shortcomings, when it could actually stem from someone else’s fears and doubts, or something else altogether. Because most of the crap floating your way this week has virtually nothing to do with you, I ask you to remember that we’re all weak, sometimes, and imperfect. Then you can quit feeling bad about the situation, and start improving it instead.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Rams are supposed to recreate reality to suit them. It’s what you do. I know I’ve frequently asked you to temper that urge, and be sensitive to situations that you shouldn’t butt your big head into. Still, I hope you haven’t lost the knack, because this week it’s time for you to take charge, whip things into shape, and make them conform to your own (in this case) brilliant ideas about how things should be. Don’t take no for an answer. Be bossy. You know what’s best, this time, even if others don’t want to admit it. Make them see the light. They may be too stubborn to thank you later, but never mind that; most of us will.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

I have a friend whose teeth hurt when she eats things that are too sweet. Another feels weary and lethargic if he doesn’t do his daily stretches and workout. I get slightly chapped lips whenever I’m stressed out or especially sleep deprived. The point is we’re all given subtle hints about how to best take care of ourselves, from our bodies, dreams, and other sources. You’ve been ignoring yours, or denying them. Unfortunately, when you don’t heed these gentle reminders, you’re usually given more forceful ones you can’t so easily disregard. Don’t let it come to that, please.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

There have been so many times you’ve been forced to eat your words. It wouldn’t be so bad if they were forgotten after you chewed them up, forced them down, and shat them out. Unfortunately, they often keep coming back to haunt you. Sometimes this serves as a useful reminder about what kinds of mistakes and missteps to avoid in the future; usually it’s just annoying, because you’re not about to forget those hard-learned lessons. This week, if someone tries to make you chew up and swallow something you said more than a year ago, consider yourself within your rights to spit it back in his face, and gently assure him that you don’t need to taste that particular dish ever again.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You can get sunburn on a cloudy day. It might be windy and chilly, so you wouldn’t even notice the UV rays scorching your skin. I don’t believe in living in fear of unforeseeable consequences, but sometimes preventative measures are just so easy that it’s pointless not to do them. Slapping on a coat of sunscreen would take just a few seconds. Consider similarly simple protective efforts this week and in general; they could keep you safe from boatloads of suffering and misery. They may also prove to be entirely unnecessary, but do you really want to find out the hard way?

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Every sign has its ruling planet, and yes, you’re ruled by the Sun. That’s how amazing and badass you are. You get to own all that radiance and power this week, and embody it as only you can do, but please don’t let it go to your head. Humility is a virtue that’s sometimes hard for your average shining, brilliant Leo to master. You’ve at least grasped the basics, and it’d be a shame to lose your grip on those now; being humble could come in handy in the weeks to come—resulting, ironically, in more glory, attention, and adoration.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-3.jpgGemini Pixabay file image