Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

When I was a kid, I was entranced by the ads in the backs of comic books I read. Of course I wanted x-ray glasses, a hovercraft, a frog with transparent skin, and a tank full of sea monkeys who would make funny faces and perform tricks. I never ordered any of these, which means I never had to face the disappointment of shattered expectations. This week, you might be exactly as disappointed as a kid who doesn’t get the magical make-believe thing you thought was real. I’m sorry. The question is: can you be as resilient as a child, and go on believing that the real thing’s out there, you just haven’t found it yet?

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Hedonism is a valid life path. I heartily condone the steadfast pursuit of pleasure as your highest priority. Problems only arise when your definition of pleasure is too shallow, unimaginative, or petty, or relies on others’ unhappiness. You’re not guilty of that, are you? Pursue pleasure. That’s part of who you are. But please opt and aim for pleasures of the deepest and most richly positive variety, ones that not only make your life more vivid, intense, and rewarding, but others’ lives as well. Blaze us a trail through hedonism to enlightenment, Libra. We’ll follow.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Your fantasies are dangerous. Having such a compelling and engaging imagination is both blessing and curse (often both at the same time). Many of us envy your inner world, and lots of people vie to be part of it. You’re lucky enough to be able to dive into them whenever you wish. That, of course, is a double-edged sword. Pisceans may wallow in drugs as escape from reality. Virgos use work. All you need is your imagination and your ability to manifest it in the real world. That’s dangerous. This week, run with your imagination, of course, but double-check that you’ve got the reins firmly in hand.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Beware of too much of a good thing. It might be a good idea to limit your access to some of the best things in life this week, in order to prevent a major overdose that could leave you more or less allergic to them for months to come. Who doesn’t love ice cream, or a nice cold beer, or hot fudge? Drowning in any of those things, however, would be a particularly unpleasant death. I doubt the good things in your life will kill you this week, but they might kill your taste for them, if you’re not careful.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You look down scornfully upon people who are as changeable as the weather. However, you’re like the climate that never changes. If you were weather you’d be rain that goes on for days, without pause, or snow that buries houses, or sun that scorches everything, relentlessly brutal, without a cloud in sight. Do you see where I’m going with this? Being reliable is one thing; being rigid, another. Are people drowning in or being scorched by your “reliability?” Bend, already. Let it rain, snow, or shine — whatever it hasn’t been doing lately.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

I tend to regard Aquarians as mostly pragmatic and levelheaded. Then they’ll shock me by uttering phrases like, “It wasn’t meant to be.” Do you really believe in destiny? Has free will been thrown by the wayside, in favor of God or the universe or someone else determining what will or won’t happen to you? I desperately hope not. While I agree there often seem to be signs pointing us in one direction over another, I would emphatically argue that it’s our decisions that carry the most weight. Don’t forget that. I’m worried you’re about to.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. In truth I envy your ability to sleep and sleep. But I also worry. Aren’t you wasting time? Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that you should get even one minute less shut-eye. I’m just reminding you that one of your great strengths is dreaming. Are you using it? Do you remember your dreams? Are you getting enough out of them? Sleeping’s not just for the body, you know. Your mind and soul need rejuvenation, too. Can you carry at least some of the ideas, inspiration, and hilarity of your dream world into your waking life? This week, please try.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Beautiful is ephemeral and fleeting. However, there are also many different incarnations of it. As the bloom of your youth fades, don’t spend too much time mourning it. There’s a cycle here, and an opportunity to create new kinds of beauty, ones that stretch your conception of the word and challenge others to do the same. Each iteration of beauty could be more lovely and complex than the one before — that is, if you don’t spend too much time lamenting the loss of whatever you had before, instead of using the imagination required to bring you and yours into bloom, again, and again, and again.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Superficially, at least, you’re not scared of much. That stone-faced exterior has earned you the trust of so many friends, who view you as their rock, their steady, reliable, unshakable friend. That’s also lead to one unfortunate side effect: you’re hesitant or unable to share the few things you are afraid of. Your friends are lucky; they know what a relief it is to share their anxieties with someone else. You’re stuck carrying yours all by your lonesome. That can’t and shouldn’t continue. Don’t be embarrassed to admit your fears, even if they sound pathetic when said out loud. Most fears do—that’s part of the beauty of sharing them. Out loud your worries are puny. Inside they can (and will) reach monstrous proportions. Don’t let that happen.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

There are no sweet talkers in the zodiac to compare with you, Gemini. Sure, Scorpios can whisper poisonous truths that make people crazy, and there’s nothing quite like the sharp tongue of an angry Aries, but your silver tongue had power to match theirs and more. Your speech is prehensile, like the long, skinny tail of a monkey. It can slide under metaphorical doors and unlatch them from the inside. That, in fact, is exactly what you ought to use it for this week. Nothing’s impossible, given the right words. Remember that. Also remember that if anyone can find and use them correctly, it’s you.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Some Cancers do this thing when they’re having a good time: they anticipate its end. While I appreciate that you’ve learned the lesson that everything changes, I’m afraid you took the wrong thing out of it. Sure, things can’t stay great (or terrible, for that matter) forever. However, that transience is a reason to maximize your enjoyment of a beautiful moment, rather than tense up in anticipation of its conclusion (which can often hasten it, by the way). Take a deep breath. Shake out your bad habits regarding pleasure and good luck. Now, this week and the rest, do your best to enjoy them — all the more so because they’ll eventually end.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Give something back. Leos are frequently lavishly generous, but I’m afraid you can have the habit, when you’re not paying attention, of being unthinkingly selfish, or failing to notice exactly how much someone else does for you, or you take for granted. This week, exercise your famous generosity by giving something meaningful back. This means something more than buying them a book or taking them out to dinner — though there’s nothing wrong with those things as well. However, it’s time you really put some thought and effort and time into whatever you decide to give. Everyone knows how much you already value those. This week, please share them.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Of course, you get as many chances to start over as you can create, but there are certain times of year when those fresh beginnings are more likely to work out. Next week is one. Old grudges can finally be put to rest. This opportunity to begin again is good, but not necessarily lengthy; blink and you might miss it. So this week set yourself up well: get rid of baggage that’d hold you back or slow you down, and put yourself in a good position to make the leap to wherever you’d like to go next. Don’t miss this chance, and don’t say you weren’t warned!

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I’d wager that the vast majority of professions people end up in aren’t things they fantasized about doing in their youths. Who dreams of being a middle-management cubical inhabitant, a gravedigger, a tobacco spokesman, or any number of other less-than-glamorous and/or morally ambiguous jobs? This is not to say that we should all be miserable that we didn’t become astronauts or marine biologists or rock stars. But I’m worried: have you given up on all your childhood dreams? Perhaps there’s one that’s still actually achievable. If you aren’t already actively pursuing it, start this week.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Can you be like India? Westerners have been going to India (at first to annex and colonize, and more recently as tourists) for more than two centuries, yet it’s somehow preserved its cultural identity remarkably well. It has a way of absorbing various influences and making them indisputably Indian, while other countries’ cultures can be quickly subsumed by the cultural and economic forces wielded by Western society. I want you to be like that: take everything on, absorb everything, and make it your own. Can you be absolutely open to every last thing that comes your way, and yet not forget exactly who you are? This week, try.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Make awkward tension a new acquired taste. Why not? It’s a frequent part of your week. While it may be more comfortable to simply avoid the people with whom you create those nervous sparks, sometimes that’s just not possible. Don’t just grit your teeth and get through these encounters, though. Go one step further: learn to enjoy them. Look at the situation from the outside. There’s probably humor (and possibly pathos) in it. Once you can see that, you might delight in those awkward encounters, and even look forward to them. Of course, don’t enjoy them too much, or they might cease to be awkward at all.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

According to The Church of Google (thechurchofgoogle.org), Google is God or the closest thing to it. Googlists contend “She” is practically omniscient, omnipresent, immortal, infinite, and prayer-answering, among other things. While on the surface their contention is preposterous, I’m impressed by their ability to see things in a new way, and by their surprisingly reasonable arguments, which make Google’s status as God easier to prove than any other God’s. Turn whatever you’re obsessing about on its head this week. Toss it around until it looks like something totally different. You’re not likely to invent a new god, but you could be lucky enough to found a new minor cult.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You’re commonly regarded as the most changeable of signs. Wrong. That’s an illusion. While there’s no question that you often suck at making up your mind, and you’re prone to second-guess virtually everything you ever do, those are all superficial traits. Beneath that ever-shifting surface, you’re actually extremely unlikely to change much very quickly. Perhaps your indecisiveness makes your personal evolution very slow and careful. There’s nothing wrong with that; in fact, it’s likely to give this week’s special guests comfort: That makes you someone they can count on. Pull aside the curtain of your wishy-washy outer persona and reveal the solid and dependable person beneath it. Most folks will like what they see.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Stepping up and taking any kind of leadership role frequently puts a target on your back. People who were too chickenshit to take charge are often only too eager to criticize what you’re up to, and tear down whatever you’re trying to achieve, behind your back or in your face. That, my dear, is the price you’ve got to pay for having the guts to proudly advocate what you believe in. Don’t bitch and moan about it. Those people are too lame to matter much in the end; while most critiques ought to be at least considered, don’t let theirs drag you down or keep you from doing what you always intended to do.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You’re going to need an especially astute eye this week, when it comes to judging people. Everyone has their filters and their baggage. Right now it’s especially important to remember that, and put whatever they’re saying into that context. If a generally unhappy person is complaining about something, you might be able to take that into account; they’re not likely to ever be happy, no matter what you do. That’s not to say you should ignore them, but a complaint from someone you know to be levelheaded, reasonable and positive ought to naturally be given a lot more weight and credence, don’t you think? You don’t necessarily like to judge people, but you’re good at it, and this week—it’s your job.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

There are so many things you enjoy. The problem is there’s simply not enough time in the day for you to really get into all of them. Some are just going to have to fall by the wayside. How do you decide? Lately it’s been more random chance and opportunity than anything else, but this week’s a good one to make your decisions at least slightly more conscious. What makes you happiest? What’s most likely to advance your dreams? What will bring the most joy, inspiration, and excitement to the most people, including yourself? Don’t let random fate steer you. Steer yourself.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Although you’re ready to offer your support and allegiance to one side or another of a conflict, you may be shocked and dismayed to find that they’re just not interested. In terms of this conflict, you don’t matter, and what’s more—your involvement is simply unwelcome. In other words, butt out, and don’t make a big drama about it. They’re not you. While you might appreciate the love and support offered by your friends, these guys would rather just work this out on their own, without their well-meaning friends nosing in on the action. Bite your tongue, turn the other cheek, and get on with your life.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

What you wouldn’t give for a personal assistant! Then you could focus on the big ideas that excite you and let them take care of all the little shit you despise wasting time and energy on. Dream on. Until you’re rich enough to hire one, you’re on your own, which means you’ve got to divide your time between the bold fantasies you adore and the mundane details which keep your life from falling apart. Many Leos err on the side of too much dreaming and too little doing, and get so bogged down in neglected details that their dreams become even less achievable. Don’t be one of those. This week’s a good one to take steps—both big dramatic ones and careful tiny ones—towards becoming one of those impressive, accomplished Leos who can afford to hire help. Don’t let the week go by without taking them.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Leos may avoid nitpicky details like the plague. You embrace them. You may not love it, but you’re damn good at it. What worries me is your diminishing view of the big picture. Leos never lose sight of their grandiose hopes and dreams, but they forget to do stuff like wash dishes and buy people birthday presents. You have the opposite problem: you’re so busy tying up loose ends that you lose sight of your biggest and best aspirations. This week, tear down the virtual wallpaper of To-Do lists obscuring your view of those brilliant fantasies; at least a glimpse of them is long overdue.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You’re actually quite a level-headed sort. Sure, you can get caught up in the nauseating whirlwind of your own oft-contradictory thoughts, and have trouble making up your mind, but when presented with similarly confusing and confounding external stimulus, that supposed “weakness” becomes a strength; you can respond serenely to large numbers of vociferous demands on your attention, energy, and even affection, because it’s nothing compared to the blinding weather inside your own head. This week will give you a chance to showcase that talent, impressing someone who may have been less-than-impressed by you in the past. Don’t miss it.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You can probably forget being the best at anything. Chances are there’s someone out there willing to devote such obsessive amounts of time and energy to your interest that you could never sanely compete. Work on finding new standards to measure yourself against. Accept that you’ll probably never be the best at any one thing without sacrificing virtually everything else. That’s so not your style; if anyone’s into having their cake and eating it too, it’s you. Let go of that whole concept. Instead, focus on being really, really good at several things you love. That’ll open enough doors to keep your life interesting, and then some.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Access to information and communication is an integral part of a free society; when it’s restricted in any way—by laws or economic factors, for example—the very premise of freedom is endangered. This plays out on a grand scale—denying people uncensored access to the Internet, for example—but also on a personal scale. Depriving anyone of the truth, for any reason, is quite simply not in your best interest, and something you’ll regret later—especially if you did it for some arbitrary reason, like their age. Erase “You’re too young to know,” and its ilk from your list of viable denials. That’s not your style. Pretending it is will only make you (and everyone) miserable, and dumb.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Pisceans may excel at truly non-linear thought, but you’re almost as good in that regard. The routes you pursue to similar destinations are totally different; while they’re making half-blind, intuitive leaps, you’re following hidden connections invisible to other people. Nevertheless you can work amazingly well together (sometimes by reverse-engineering each other’s ideas and thought processes). If you’re on the hunt for the perfect partner for your maddest schemes, start by checking out the Pisceans in your life (or recruiting a new one). They may confound and bewilder you, but they’re likely to bring out the best in you, too.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

It’s astonishing how some of the most educated people (and most of the least) seem to completely lack the ability to truly think. Analytical thought, the kind that allows you read between the lines, penetrate smokescreens and mirrors, and perceive layers beyond what’s being presented, is a rare and valued talent. You happen to be good at it, most of the time, when you don’t let your emotions cloud your vision too much. The problem is you haven’t been practicing it much lately. You can’t afford to slack off like that. After all, you’ve got to compensate for all the ignorant oafs who can’t be bothered to question what they’re told. This week, turn your Superman vision back on and start blasting through walls and lies. Someone should.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Your mind is a river, and you’ve spent far too much time and energy lately attempting to row upstream. While I appreciate and applaud your efforts to at least steer the ship of your thoughts in those changing currents, you’re trying too hard. Let’s face it—you’ll never be as driven and focused as an Aries or a Virgo. Their strategies won’t work for you. Part of your process involves incorporating tangents and detours, while remembering your ultimate goal. When those kinds of distractions beckon this week, don’t ignore them. (You can’t.) Instead, indulge them, briefly. When it’s time to get back to your real goal, you’ll know. That’s when the current will finally flow in the direction you intend. Hop back in your boat and paddle like mad.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

This week, shed some outdated habits of mind. Let’s say you figured out ten years ago that you don’t like cauliflower, to use a rather mundane example, and so you never bothered revisiting that idea. If you did, you might discover that your relationship to that vegetable has changed entirely. Of course, many or even most of the things you figured out in past chapters will still hold true today—but not all of them. The only way you can figure out which ideas about yourself have changed (in other words which doors are open to you now that weren’t before) is to test all of them, again.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Don’t slide from hard-nosed realism into irredeemable pessimism, Taurus. I like that you’re slightly cynical, and don’t waste tons of time on fanciful daydreams that’ll never come true, or belaboring “what might have been.” However, you’re currently teetering on the brink of becoming such a hardcore pessimist that you might have trouble ever being truly happy again, or, worse, allowing those around you to be happy. Don’t become a chronic balloon-popper. Start by leaving at least a few of your hopes afloat. Sure, many of your recent dreams have crashed and burned. What you don’t know is that no one else is shooting them down; it’s been you, all along. That, my dear, is a terrible and depressing habit. Please quit.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

This is a week of screw-ups and obstacles, the kind that has become all too familiar as of late. As usual, that means you’re going to have to roll with numerous mistakes and glitches you can do nothing about. Don’t get frustrated. While your power to mitigate or eliminate the hazards and obstacles you’re presented with this week is limited or nonexistent, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do. Not every problem needs to be solved. Some just need to be endured, or, if possible, enjoyed. Wielding a sense of humor, for example, can help you get through any number of otherwise stressful and confounding situations. Try it.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

A bunch of years back, a woman in Brazil gave birth to her own twin grandchildren. Her daughter was having trouble having children, so she offered to be a surrogate for her. This loving (and yes, slightly odd) gesture was probably beyond the call of motherly duty. Having said that, you’re likely to be called upon this week to deliver more than is strictly your responsibility, though probably not someone else’s babies. I hope you rise to the occasion, anyway, although you’re certainly under no obligation. However, you’ve often leaned on people often in the past, right? This, then, is your chance to make it up to them.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

For someone so popular and outgoing, you’re lonely an awful lot. Part of the problem is you may need more attention than some, but a lot of it is that you keep playing other people’s weird social games and losing. Your game is the only one worth playing, since it’s the only one you’ll probably ever excel at. Eventually, you’ll have to figure out how to make everyone else’s games fit inside yours. In the meantime, do what hardly anyone does: review your game’s rules and strategies. Make sure they’re fair and, of course, fun.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

This week, treat yourself. You Virgos are notorious about denying yourselves joy (or finding reasons to delay it). I don’t presume to know what will really float your boat these days (you take pleasure in the oddest things) but I’m not here to judge your quirky eccentricities; what I’d like to do is simply convince you to allow yourself to indulge in them. Because of this week’s astrological influences generally screwing with even your most efficient and thoughtful plans of action, it’s a good time to let your usually hyper-busy agenda slide a little in order to allow for a few random pleasures to slip in. Try it. How can you not enjoy it? That’s sort of the whole point.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-1.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Your life is like a beach town. There are months when it’s bustling, packed to the gills with people on vacation, eager to have a good time. Then there are times when even some of the most stalwart folk abandon the place, leaving it a virtual ghost town of boarded-up shops and desolate, empty streets. Unlike a beach town, though, it’s sometimes hard to predict when the peak season is due, since there are practically no external signs (like nice weather). Not this time, however. Unboard those shops and buy a new surfboard. Come this week, you’re open for business, and ready for fun.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

People want to believe in ghosts, UFOs, and yeti (and astrology, for that matter), and do, despite having little to no tangible proof that they’re real. I believe we have a hunger for mystery and wonder in our lives; they’re as essential as water and as satisfying as chocolate. What looks like depression is often actually acute wonder-deprivation. When people don’t have enough mystery in their lives they end up shuffling dully through a grey doldrums that’s hard to escape from. Is your world feeling a little lackluster? Find something you can’t quite understand, and embrace it, before it’s too late.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Parents who diligently keep their kids perfectly safe and sated often end up with boring, entitled kids. Children who’ve suffered hardship and risk are more likely to become motivated, generous, rugged, and inspired. It’s hard to not protect those you love from every bit of hurt they might suffer, but it’s important to let them stick their hands in the flame once in a while. Pain tempers people, and teaches them how to properly dream (I’ve met more than one pampered child whose greatest aspiration was to become a manager). This week, please keep that in mind. When it comes time to stand between someone and some kind of pain that might actually be good for them, please step aside.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Some people’s Achilles’ heels are more obvious than others. When someone has an addiction to alcohol or abusive partners, it’s easy to spot—though figuring out what to do about it is frequently still a quandary. Other personal weaknesses are more subtle and subversive. This week, however, you have the unique perspective that puts you in a position to help someone resist or get a handle on their failings. This week, someone teetering on the brink of succumbing to their internal darkness might reach out a hand that only you can grab. Therefore please stay alert, keep your center of gravity low, and don’t let them fall.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Some people confuse being vulnerable with being weak. They see you sensitive, impressionable Fish as feeble because you have a hard time shielding yourself from the world. The reality is that for the most part that’s made you stronger, even if it doesn’t always look that way. Someone who puts up walls between themselves and the parts of the world they don’t like is only fine until something knocks down the walls. Then they fall apart. Even though to some eyes you seem perpetually on the brink of falling apart, you never quite do. That, as we both know, is strength. This week, help someone who’s judged you wrongly see it that way, too.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

This week, kiss people’s scars. Cherish them for having suffered and still being able to hope, dream, and love. Everyone’s endured mountains of hurt; every beam of light they can allow to shine past all that occluding emotional scar tissue is a kind of miracle. Remember that. Pour adoration on patched, once-broken hearts. Experience is sexy, especially when it makes someone funnier, stronger, and more vivid. Beautiful innocent unscarred youth already gets enough attention. This week, please focus on the more battered, bruised, and brave beauties in your life.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

I enjoy bubbly water, despite my rational mind, which points out that I’m paying extra for something that isn’t doing me one whit of good. Still, that little bit of added sparkle can help me down several liters a day; when drinking still water, despite my intentions, I have a hard time managing one. Being absolutely disciplined and pure regarding your intentions is all well and good, if you can manage it, but it’s not always possible. This week, use a little something extra to get the medicine to go down, if you have to. It’s better than not taking it at all.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

You’re quite likely to rub elbows with someone you admire this week. Make sure you notice. Lately you’ve been so involved with the business inside your own head that you’ve missed some truly fascinating things that have happened right in front of your own nose. This could be one of them. I know your busy brain is a compelling and exciting place to live, but so is your world, if you care to notice. You’ve developed a bad habit of ignoring all but the most pressing and urgent stimulus in front of you. Unlearning that may be a lengthy and difficult process, but it needs to be done. Beginning that process is this week’s task, and the reward is getting to get close to one of your heroes. Missing that would suck, so don’t.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

A gemstone can be cut any number of ways that would completely alter its appearance. Sometimes those cuts can make it look fake, pretentious, or worse. Nature has its own charm, too, and occasionally it’s best to leave it alone. This week, if you find a diamond in the rough, don’t take it home to clean it up and polish it. Leave it where it is, and enjoy it just as you found it. Remember, once you take away those rough edges, you can never have them back. Are you really sure you’ll still love that sparkling treasure without them? I’m not. Best leave it be.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Mind your own business. Leos can be terrible gossips and love having their fingers in lots of pots, and expressing their opinions about virtually everything. Sometimes that’s hilarious, interesting, and brilliant. Sometimes it’s just nosy and annoying. Learning to recognize which is which, and where to draw the line is an important lesson right now. It turns out yours is in the wrong place. This week, see if you can figure out where it really belongs. You’ll know it’s in the right place when you start being privy to even more secrets and juicy gossip than before—because people have learned they can actually trust you with them.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Don’t confuse need with love. That’s a dangerous Virgo tendency. You’re needed by many people. That’s what you get for being so generous with your time and energy. To be fair, you’re loved by many of them. But there are those who are just using you; the second you cease being useful to them, they’ll ditch you. It may be depressing to think about, but it’s important to learn how to discern which kind of person is which. This week, if someone presents you with demands that essentially boil down to “put out or get out,” please get out—and don’t look back.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

A little bit of dysfunction is natural with any group of people, especially if they come from many different backgrounds and perspectives. While I admire your diplomatic instinct and your determination to smooth over and resolve any conflict, I’m afraid you might be too driven in this regard. Not every clash of wills or difference of opinions has to be moderated and addressed. Sometimes people have to hash it out on their own, and they won’t appreciate you getting in the way of that. This week, work on recognizing when your input is desired, and when people would rather you simply butt out.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-2.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

It may feel like the universe has been dumping on you a lot this past month or two. Sometimes there seems to be some sort of capricious (dare I call it Scorpionic) force that appears to revel in kicking you while you’re down and just piling on the bullshit. Luckily, even that metaphysical bully gets tired after a while, and you’re due for a break. It could even be quite a long one—how long really depends on how swiftly and effectively you’re able to let go of all the crap that’s gone down lately, and move on.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Sagittarians love playing other roles, stepping into lives different from your own. You’re good at it, too. But inevitably you’ll want to return to your own lives. The problem is some Archers can be so good at embodying supposedly temporary characters that finding your way back to whoever you were before is a confusing, tortuous journey. Some get lost. This is the danger: the more compelling the role, and the better you are at playing it, the more difficult it’ll be to excise it from your daily life, once you decide you’re done with it. This week, when doors to “other selves” open, don’t necessarily just slam them closed, but consider that before you step through, please.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Sometimes things simply don’t click between you and another person. It looks like you should be compatible, on paper, but in reality it just doesn’t work. This can be hard for you Caps to wrap your heads around and accept. I’ve seen some of stubborn old Goats beat their heads against something because of how they thought it should be. Don’t. Let “it is what it is” be your mantra. Reasonable attempts to change or modify a situation are of course a good idea; the problem is you usually go too far and try too hard. Learning where to draw the line is the lesson I’d like you to work on this week. It could come in handy very soon.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Aquarians have a reputation for being brilliant but erratic. What I love about my Water-Bearing friends is that no matter how much time has passed since last I saw them, the next time I encounter them I still feel as close to them as I ever did. What I don’t love is that frequently long periods can pass between these encounters, as these inquisitive geniuses are often AWOL for ages, pursuing some adventure or interest or other. This week, work on your reliability. If you want someone to come to count on you, you have to give them reason to believe they can. This week is a good time to do just that.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Your confounding ability to embody contradiction and magically circumvent conflicts of interest is at the heart of this week’s events. How, people wonder, can you be in love with two different people at once, or give so much of yourself to a job you want to sabotage? Don’t let others’ confusion derail you, though. The ability to be more than one thing at the same time is the secret to success this week. Only you have the power to love those you oppose, even as you take them down, and that’s the key. Without that love and compassion, effective action is just not possible.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Pisces make excellent double-agents not because they’re masters of deception but because they’re not bothered by the paradox of playing both sides. You can’t do that. Not only do you habitually wear your heart on your sleeve, you also suck at lying. Therefore, don’t bother. Use the truth. It’s the best tool you have, even if it’s less than ideal. At least it will hold up to repeated uses, unlike a lie, which will crumble the first time it has to bear any kind of stress. The truth may not exactly be your best friend at the moment but it’s still better than any falsehood, which would, effectively, be your worst enemy.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Change up your routine. I know Taureans are frequently comforted and comfortable doing the same thing, day in, day out. Other signs call that a rut. That might be a bit harsh, but there’s something to be said for a little variety in your life; it opens up possibilities you didn’t even dream existed before they appeared. This can be as simple as altering your schedule. Try it for a week or two, as much as your obligations allow. If you’re usually an early bird, become a night owl, or vice versa. You’ll see doors where you thought there were none. Open them. See what’s on the other side.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Light can make you happy. People with seasonal affective disorder feel depressed in winter, and most theories suggest this has something to do with a lack of light. This is the kind of simple and obvious explanation that Geminis often overlook, since you’re usually more interested in complex or convoluted reasons things are the way they are. Chances are, whatever your problem is at the moment, you’re over-thinking it. Look for a simple solution to your conundrum, for once, and you’ll probably find it. It could be as easy as buying a nice lamp, rather than rethinking your entire life.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

“I loved them too much.” I’ve heard these words come out of more than one Cancer’s mouth. What they’re trying to explain is how their abundance of love and nurturing came to be seen as smothering and clingy by the object of their affections, who eventually fled in terror. I don’t know a single Cancer who hasn’t had something like this happen to them at least once. Moving on, though, isn’t easy. How do you respond to an experience like this? Learn to love people less, or show it less? I don’t know the answer, I’m afraid. I suspect it’s different for everyone. This week, though, should bring you substantially closer to it.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Loving people is at once effortless and a ton of work. When they’re at their best it’s easy. But when you’re in conflict or they’re suffering in some way, it requires more willingness on your part to allow that temporarily uneven exchange of energy and care. Sure, you can hope and trust that what goes around comes around—and it usually does, in spades. But right in the moment, you’re doing it out of the goodness of your heart. Well, this week that’s the question, isn’t it? Just how good is your heart?

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

I love seeing how people work. Being privy to the creative process is sometimes more interesting to me than the end result of that process. I once saw an exhibit of the artwork of Chuck Close which chronicled in detail his process and I loved it. Similarly I adore reality shows like Top Chef and Project Runway as well as behind-the-scenes documentaries, for the same reason. It’s that whole journey vs. destination thing. To me, the journey, the process, is always more interesting than its goal. Focusing too much on that end point could rob you of the best aspects of what you could be getting out of it. See where I’m headed? Shift your focus. It’ll make you happier than you are now.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

It’s always feast or famine, right? Whether you’re hunting for a job, lover, or anything else that matters to you, it’s sometimes hard to find that perfect, much-sought-after balance. Forget “just right.” All of October it’s too much or too little of everything. This week, though, you’ll see a significant flip. That could be either good news or bad news depending on which side of the coin you’re on, and which you prefer; by the 23rd you’re quite likely to find yourself in the opposite situation from where you were when the week began.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-3.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

When your usual sources of support and co-conspiracy aren’t available, it’s time to search further afield. Luckily, there’s someone with whom you have regular contact that you’ve never yet teamed up with. You’ll probably be surprised by who I mean, because you’d never guess that this particular person could potentially be your perfect collaborator. Drop a few hints, watch for signs that an alliance is possible, then go for it. What do you have to lose, after all? Your other choices are nonexistent or unequivocally inappropriate. Chances are, things will work out even better than you had reason to expect.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Obviously, our planet is in trouble. Pretty much anyone who actually knows about this shit says that if we continue as we have our certain doom is a done deal — almost certainly in our lifetimes. Our greenest efforts (resisted as they are by our greedy, shortsighted politicians) are still not nearly enough. Waiting for people to invent better technologies and tap into other sources of energy isn’t such a hot idea, either. We all have to make sacrifices; the problem is many of us are too lazy and/or selfish to do it. Are you really okay with having an overall negative impact on the planet? I think we’d all like to leave things better than how we found them. This week’s a good one to work towards that goal.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Since the millennium, our world has started to look more and more like the sci-fi future imagined in my youth; things we now regard as commonplace would have been regarded as fantastical just a few decades ago — though everyone already expected them anyway. What’s that? You still haven’t gotten your jetpack or moon base vacation? Well, get on that! Your childhood conceptions of adulthood’s possibilities are closer than you think. I don’t care whether we’re talking about a hover car, or a kind of relationship, or some form of spiritual enlightenment. It’s not entirely out of your grasp. This week, actively reach for it — even if it means you have to practically invent it from scratch.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Halloween is a time for people to don disguises, right? Not necessarily. It can also be a chance for some of us to reveal hidden truths. In a way, we’re all witches in hiding who can only safely emerge once a year. Halloween is the perfect chance — if you’ve got the guts — to show off your secrets instead of concealing them. Consider it a test drive. You can laugh off anyone’s negative response — it was just a costume, right? That’ll give you a chance to retreat and rethink. However, I’m guessing that you’ll mostly get positive reactions. Wouldn’t it be great (metaphorically speaking, at least) if you never had to take this “costume” off again?

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Sometimes conflicts are unavoidable, no matter how hard you try. This week mismatched expectations could start fires. One of you isn’t aiming high enough, and settling for something adequate that could be much, much better. Are you the one who’s happy with mediocrity (perhaps without knowing it)? If someone’s pushing you to put in that extra effort, they probably have a reason. Humor them, even if you don’t see the point. And if it’s someone else who’s under-achieving, here’s your chance to relish a role you rarely get to play: inspired ass-kicker and whip-cracker.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You’re just one person, but people can get wildly different impressions of you depending on how they get to know you. If someone’s only experienced you by viewing your social media, or picking through your garbage, or meeting you at work, they’re only getting a narrow, edited version of the real you. It’s virtually impossible for anyone to ever get to know the complete, real you, but it’s certainly possible for everyone to get to taste a few more slices of the whole pie. Since it’s a tasty dish everyone should get to try, won’t you make a few more servings available this week?

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

When was the last time you were truly thrilled about something? I know you Bulls have a reputation to maintain—something about being “down to earth,” or perhaps a bit cynical. However, I’d hate to think you might have given up altogether on being excited (or showing it). There’s got to be something that would truly electrify you (besides a fork in a power outlet). We all want to see you squeal and jump up and down like an excited kid, and not just for the laugh factor. What would do that to you? Come on, give us a hint. We just might pick it up and run with it.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

How many examples of people following their dreams do you need to see, before you’ll give it a try, too? All the people I know (or know of) who are doing something cool are simply people who decided to take a leap of faith and try doing something new, without any real assurance that it’d succeed. It’s not easy, but it is easier than you think to make your labor of love replace your day job. The Internet is an amazing place to find like-minded people who’d help make it all happen. You might fall flat on your face, but unless you put yourself in a position to do exactly that, you’ll also never soar.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You’re such a creature of habit that breaking that habit — even if it’s something you really want to do, which is good for you — can make you irritable and out of sorts. Don’t mistake the transition period for the new chapter, though. It will take you a while to settle into and enjoy your altered routines. In the meantime, you might feel a bit cranky. So what? Let yourself be cranky. Have faith in your original concept—what you’re doing is a good idea, even though that seemed a lot more certain before you actually gave it a try. Persist. You made the right decision. Once you see it through to its conclusion, that’ll be so obvious, you’ll wonder how you ever doubted it.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Last night I dreamt about a pair of redheads who were both competing for the same political office. I commented: “Why do all redheads end up in politics or showbiz?” I should have asked that about Leos, though. Even if you’re not onscreen or currying votes, most Leos semi-regularly find a way to bask in the spotlight of people’s attention. It could be at work or socially, but Lions usually feel relatively unfulfilled unless they get to shine in a crowd, organizing or entertaining people. Where does this integrally Leonine trait get expression in your life? This week, work on finding at least one more place for it. Once you do, you’ll be so glad you did.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Buy a comfy couch. It’s not for you; we both know you’ll rarely actually sit on it long enough to notice. It’s for all the people who might visit you; they need to be cozy, since you won’t let them do anything while you bustle about preparing snacks and entertainment for your guests. You’ve been looking for ways to make your general selflessness less strenuous and simultaneously more effective. There’s one. You’ll discover more, if you try. All you need to do is really put yourself in other people’s shoes (or, in this case, butts).

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

It’s not that you don’t have opinions. It’s that you don’t feel the pressure to always loudly express them (like those boisterous Leos you know), and that you’re open-minded enough to consider changing them when presented with compelling information. However, there are a few times when this approach is actually counterproductive. This week, you may be presented with a leadership void, when a group of people flounder because no one will step up and say what they think and guide them in any one direction. (Where are those bossy Leos when you need them, right?) Even if it’s all the same to you, the universe has dumped this one on your shoulders. It’s time to pick a side, and take everyone else there, too.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

One year I decided I was bored with my summer birthday and resolved to be a Scorpio for a year. I chose your sign not only because I wish I was as sexy as all of you, but because I’ve always had tremendous respect for Scorpios—mostly because of your conviction, passion, and willingness to explore nearly every nook and cranny of your personality, no matter how extreme. Since then, though, I’ve encountered several Scorpios who were indecisive, lackluster, and afraid of their own shadows. That’s right, some members of your hot little tribe aren’t living up to the hype. You’re not one of those, are you? Step it up, just in case.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

This week, be a skunk. As you contemplate new defense mechanisms to protect you from the rough and tumble world, forego anything like claws, venom, and spiky fur. Go for something essentially benign, yet just as effective. I’m not suggesting you skip showers for a week or three (though that might work, too). However, I do believe there are non-violent, and possibly humorous, ways to keep at bay those you don’t want around. This week, work on finding one of those. When those undesirables start walking swiftly in the other direction the second they spot you, you’ll know you found it.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

We know you have staying power. But this week let’s talk about the joy of quitting. I hope at some point you’ve experienced the euphoria of shrugging off the shackles of an oppressively bad job, and finally telling your crappy boss exactly what you think of them. Remember how you couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot as you walked away? This week there’s pleasure and benefit to be had in quitting something that’s played a central role in your life for too long (if you haven’t quit smoking and would like to, give it a try now). Don’t be afraid of your attachments. Cutting free of them won’t be a hardship. It’ll be bliss.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

There are now more overweight people in the world than underweight people. There are of course still hungry people all over, but in general the world’s population—even in developing nations—is fat and getting fatter. Cross-cultural trends (overwhelming consumption of high-carb beverages, for example) are slathering pounds on people all over the world. Your own life’s on this track, too. I’m not saying you need to lose weight, necessarily. I’m just pointing out that your bad habits (of thought and practice) are starting to outweigh your good ones. See if you can tip that balance back, before you break the scale.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You’re too hard on yourself. It’s good to strive for positive changes in your life, but attempting to do so by making yourself feel guilty, obligated, or lame just won’t work. Those strategies might do in a pinch, but to create lasting, beneficial changes in your life you’ve got to come from a more positive place. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself, but firm. You know what’s best for you, and what you’ve got to do. What’s left is to quit dragging your feet and get it done. Be as supportive and positive with yourself as you can. You need all the encouragement you can get; even if it has to come from somewhere within you, that’s better than nothing.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Rams are vulnerable. Most people don’t know that, because you’ve got these big curly metaphorical horns that you can use to bust some serious ass. Since on some levels you’re so badass, some people overestimate your emotional toughness. Your skin’s not as thick as they think it is, and you can be wounded by a lot of the shit that comes your way. Don’t be afraid of your sensitivity. A tough person with a secretly warm squishy heart is incredibly attractive. Let people know it’s there, not just so they’ll go easier on you, but hopefully so they’ll get into bed with you, too.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You know that nest egg/emergency fund you’ve got squirreled away somewhere? Dip into it. You have the chance to dramatically improve your life right now. I know it’s a risk, tapping into that cache for anything less than whatever it was intended for—and you must strictly forbid yourself from ever doing it again—but just this once it might be worth it. The way you live is too safe, anyway. Live it up, a little, joyfully, firmly banishing guilt or anxiety. You’ll be able to recuperate the money you spent—and because of how you spent it, you’ll have a lot more fun than you did the first time around.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Forget preemptive strikes. Breaking up with your lover before they dump you or quitting your job before you get fired may seem like a good idea, but it’s not. In this case, your paranoid fantasies about what you think will happen aren’t entirely accurate. The conclusion you fear can still be prevented, and rushing towards it and making sure it’ll happen is simply not the appropriate solution. Forget that self-defeating bullshit. This week, defy your cynicism and self-doubt and behave as if everything will work out beautifully, instead of willfully manifesting the worst-case scenario. Things might not work out, despite your best efforts—but at least you’ll have allowed for the possibility.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Crack that whip. It’s going to take all of your best goading, pleading, nagging, cajoling, and bribery to keep yourself on track this week. It’s in your best interest that you do, though, since the path you’ve chosen is a positive one for you, even if it’s difficult. It’d be a shame to give up now (even though the naughtiest and laziest parts of you think throwing in the towel would be a brilliant idea), since you’ve already put in so much time and energy. You’re almost to the home stretch. Kick your own ass and get there. You’ll be glad you did; the last ten miles are all downhill.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Change your passwords. It’s in your nature to be trusting of other people—and you should. Most people, especially the people you surround yourself with, are trustworthy and suspecting them of anything shady would be insulting. Don’t get paranoid. However, it’s also better to be safe than sorry; it’d take only one miserable asshole to shatter your faith in humankind, when the vast majority of us are actually deserving of that faith. Change your passwords. Also take other reasonable precautions to keep yourself safe. Then you can relax and enjoy all the people who’d never steal from you—and know that you’re secure from the one or two who might try.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Don’t be a perfectionist, unless you like screwing yourself over. Life is imperfect. Accept that, and you’ll be much, much happier. Perfectionists defeat themselves almost all of the time. They’ll take something that’s almost perfect, and ruin it with their attempts to improve it further. Know when to stop and settle. 98% of what you hoped for is better than what you’d end up with while striving for 100%. I know there’s part of you that’s into the whole self-sabotage thing, but I hope you’re working on outgrowing that. Here’s one step along the way.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

This situation has an expiration date. I don’t know whether that’s good news or bad news, but it is what it is. There are ways you can postpone the inevitable, if you want to; stick that carton of milk in the a very cold fridge and it won’t go bad nearly as fast as it would sitting on a sunny windowsill. But eventually that milk will become sour and undrinkable no matter what. So what to do now that you know the carton of milk in your hands is about to go bad? Well, that’s up to you. You can stash it in that cold fridge and only sip it on odd-numbered days, trying to stretch it out as long as possible, or you can just gulp it all down now and get it over with. Whatever you do, enjoy it to the best of your ability—and when it’s gone, let it go.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-1.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

My favorite lovers have been wild guys in and out of bed, but I’ve also had loads of fun with men who were outwardly prudish but insanely passionate behind closed doors. That sharp contrast felt like a dirty secret I was excited to be in on. Is the person you’re currently interested in all they seem? Not really. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised to learn that they’ve got layers and layers — each one more interesting than the last. So what are you waiting for? It’s going to take time to get to that juicy, fascinating center. Start peeling!

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

In the past, when choosing between safety and adventure, you’ve nearly always selected the riskier option. Why bask in the familiar when you can venture into the unknown? Now, though, something in you is urging you towards the safer, more comfortable option. I’m surprised you’re resisting it so much. What’s that about? Adventure out of habit? You’ve done the venturing-boldly-into-the-unknown-thing, many times. Weirdly, that’s the familiar choice. This would actually be venturing into the unknown: being safe, secure, and responsible. If you have an impulse in that direction, why don’t you give that a try this time?

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Tiny details can hugely affect your day-to-day happiness and well-being. For me, sunlight, warmth, and a few sensual pleasures can make me start my day happily (I’ve grown fond of hot bubble baths and creamy coffee drinks, for example). Sure, it’s possible for me to be happy without these things, but I’ve got to work harder at it. Why bother? It’s easy enough to set myself up with a few things that’ll automatically make my life much more pleasurable. This week, improve your baseline of happiness. Make it so you don’t have to work so hard to be euphorically happy — simply because it’s not so far from where you start each day.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You’re neither imbecile nor enlightened monk. You’d have to be one of those to enter new situations with a truly blank mind, free of all expectations. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you’ve managed to rid yourself of all preconceived notions about something. You may have succeeded at burying them out of sight, so you’re not even aware of how they’re skewing your perception, but they’re still there. Acknowledge that, and you’ll at least be able to account for them, and adjust accordingly. This week dig them up and put them on the table. You want to see things clearly, at least, don’t you? That’s the only way.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Admit it, you’re in love with the tension between what you have and what you wish you could have — perhaps more in love with that delicious limbo than with the dream that’s generating it. In other words, you’d rather stay here, between reality and fantasy, instead of proceeding onward to actual fulfillment of that fantasy. Deep down you know that getting what you want would mean sullying it by bringing it down into the gritty real world, rife with compromises. Accept it. This is actually where you want to be. Relax. Take pleasure in where you are, instead of pretending you’d really rather be someplace else.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Get over it. Yes, your feelings are hurt, and with good reason. But in the grand scheme of things this is no big deal. It might be hard to let go of, because this time you’re 100% in the right (and how often does that happen?). But you should let go of it, anyway. The person who did you wrong has done you right many, many times, so letting them off the hook for this one (admittedly grievous) mistake is the least you can do. There’s no need for emotionally grueling discussions, begging for forgiveness, or any of that. Just move on, without drama. Once you do (and once the indignation passes) you’ll realize it was exactly the right thing to do.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

As I age, I reflect on people who influenced me growing up. I’m fascinated by how my perception of them changes as I approach and pass the ages they were when I knew them; my respect for them grows or diminishes accordingly. You know how difficult it is to understand someone who’s coming from an incredibly different place in their life, especially if it’s somewhere you’ve never been. Give them the benefit of the doubt this week, and don’t judge them too harshly, even if you currently disagree. Watch what you say. You may have to eat your words in a couple decades. Not only will they not taste good — it might then be too late to take them back in any case.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Miscalculations are the name of the game this week. If you plan a party, you’ll either be swimming in food and booze for your paltry handful of guests, or you’ll be drowning in partygoers complaining there’s not enough food or booze. Goldilocks is on holiday and “just right” is a phrase that will not apply to anything you do this week. I know I’m always encouraging people to trust their instincts, but this week your normally astute intuition is way off. Don’t try to get anything spot on. Err on the side of caution, and choose the options that accommodate the widest range of possibilities. It might cost more money, but it’ll save your nerves.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Prepare to square off with your significant other (or the closest thing you have to one). This is a tough situation. The problem is, they’re being unrealistically optimistic and idealistic about a certain aspect of your future, and you’re trying your best to see and deal with things as they are. Recognize that it’s painful for some people to wake up to reality, and it sucks for you to have to play the role of alarm clock. However, resist the temptation to let them sleep in. Even if that feels like the kind thing to do, it’s actually patronizing and cruel. It’s time, my dear. Ring your bell and wake them up.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Your two astrological commandments this week are: Be more responsible, and play more. At first blush, these two things may seem to be at opposite poles, but they’re actually quite symbiotic. The fewer loose ends you’ve got lying around or weighing on your mind, the more free you’ll feel to cut loose, without the guilt or anxiety that otherwise might weigh heavy on your mind. It’s actually quite simple, and immediately viable — you’ll get instant, very gratifying results. Now go get shit done, Leo, so you can do nothing. Pay your bills so you can play!

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Let there be delighted confusion! My wish is for you to experience bewildered joy. It’s not often you let yourself get swept off your feet by a person or experience. It’s not exactly in your control freak nature (I say that in the most affectionate way). But I hope by now you’ve gotten at least a chance or two to experience the exhilarating thrill of truly letting go and letting the wind take you wherever it wants, and not knowing exactly what will happen, or when, how, or why. This week, give that another go. The astrological currents are flowing strongly in very delicious directions; the worst thing you could do is try to swim against them.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

These aren’t irreconcilable differences, though they may feel that way. You and your buddy, though you usually see eye-to-eye on most things, are viewing this particular scenario from such different angles you can’t even be sure you’re looking at the same thing. Each of you finds the other’s perspective virtually inconceivable. But let’s keep molehills from becoming mountains. Your buddy isn’t arguing that killing people is alright, or that his heroin addiction is healthy. The topics under debate are abstract philosophical ideas. You don’t have to agree with his views on reincarnation, or Machiavellian ethics. If he can accept that your principles are different than his, you should be able to do the same. Once you get that out of the way, you’ll find you can probably go back to getting along famously.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-2.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You’re like a member of a band who’s spent weeks practicing for a gig where only 5 people show up. Your band is barely outnumbered by its audience. You could, of course, pack up your instruments and go back to the garage where you practice. Or you could do a wimpy abbreviated version of the set you planned. Or you could play your hearts out as if the place was packed to the gills with screaming fans. I think it’s a no-brainer which you should do. Give it your all for the sake of giving it your all this week, regardless of who might (or might not) benefit.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

I know you like being an observer, and watching certain situations from the outside in. But don’t tell me that it doesn’t hurt when you consequently get overlooked or forgotten. It’s not a slight that you didn’t get that invitation in the mail; it’s just an oversight. Still, that probably doesn’t make it feel much better. The situation right in front of you, for instance — are you really enjoying being the almost-invisible outsider? Why not wade in and get your hands dirty? Go get noticed. I’m betting the attention will be mostly (but probably not entirely) positive. Get involved. The fly-on-the-wall thing is getting old.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Quick, contact the authorities. You’ve surely beat the world record for holding your breath. How long’s it been since you took in a proper lungful of fresh, cool, clean, refreshing air? A few months, at least. Whatever constrictive force has restrained you from truly breathing and relaxing is about to let up, whether it’s a self-inflicted emotional corset or a predatory metaphorical boa constrictor. Your ribs might crack, and it might hurt to drawn in that first delicious breath — but you’ll know it’s the good kind of hurt. Yawn, gasp, sigh, and pant — and know that things will have to be at least a little easier from now on.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

It’s truly hard to create happy art. Making people experience pure joy isn’t impossible, but it’s way more difficult than disturbing, upsetting, or depressing them. It’s weird how people have more walls up to wonder than to horror, more resistance to happiness than misery. It takes a special talent to successfully subvert, penetrate, and transcend those tall, thick, invisible barriers and help people to experience delight in spite of their unconscious determination not to. You, my dear, whether you know it or not, have that talent. To not practice it — especially this week — would be a crime.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Venture to the dirtiest part of your home, that cubby, cabinet, corner, closet, or crawlspace where you never go and rarely clean, home to dirt, dust bunnies, and dead bugs. Scrub and scour it, even if it means slithering under the bed with a headlamp and a bucket, or moving stacks of boxes. Not only might you find something you thought lost forever, but it’ll be beneficial to your mental health. People have places just like this inside their heads. It’s good to occasionally relate that to the real world, where concrete actions can have psychological repercussions. Getting rid of all that crud can and will help you eliminate some of the internal crap, too. Clean it up, then shower. You’ll feel a million times lighter, happier, and just plain better, guaranteed.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Just like any lazy bull, the only person who can move you is you. When necessary, though, you can move fast. I’ve seen it. And those decisions, sometimes made on a whim, can have life-changing consequences, due to your extreme spiritual inertia — which translates into real world stick-to-it-iveness. I know a Taurus who was too lazy to go out and buy a pack of cigarettes, so they decided to quit. Ten years later they still haven’t had a smoke. You can change your life (and others’ lives) even when you’re just phoning it in. What might you accomplish (especially this week) if you actually set your mind to it?

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

I overwrite. When composing anything — horoscope, email, novel — I write too much. Then I have to go back and pare it down, make it more succinct and simple than my original text. I suck at sprucing things up. It’s better for me to go too far and then pull back. My strategy ought to work well for you this week. Take whatever you’re doing — whether it’s writing a love letter, putting up Christmas decorations, or planning a Thanksgiving menu — to the Nth degree. Then rewrite the letter, take down half the decorations, and cross out a third of the menu, keeping only the best parts. I guarantee you’ll end up with something better than if you’d stopped at the point you thought was “just right.”

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

When people start to get depressed, it’s usually because their world has gotten too small and restrictive. The truth is, the world is huge and filled with insane variety (even if humans are constantly trying to actively destroy that and make everything the same). If you’re feeling down, break out of the little microcosm you’re trapped in. Watch some nature documentaries if you can’t think of any other way to remind yourself that there’s a phenomenally incredible universe full of things you never imagined out there. You haven’t seen and done it all. You haven’t even scratched the surface. This week, find a way to start doing at least that.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Some Leos have a reputation for shallowness. This is more about laziness than about lacking emotional depth. Some Lions are content to know a little about a lot, or be pretty good at a huge variety of activities, but they never dig deeper than that. Are you a surface skimmer? Calling yourself a Renaissance person may make it sound nice but doesn’t change the fact that you’re leaving massive amounts of your potential virtually unexplored. Pick one or two things and dig deeper — a lot deeper. I reckon you’ll have to dig twice as deep as where you thought the bottom was before you’ll realize there actually is none. Hopefully by then the prospect will excite you rather than frighten you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You simply can’t foresee all the potential outcomes of your actions. That’s not to say you should stop trying; Virgos are so good at being prepared that you’ll probably still be covered for a good 80 percent of what might happen. However, please quit worrying about that remaining 20 percent. Enjoy how good you are at this, instead of flipping out about the possibilities you can’t anticipate or control. The future is a series of unknowns and trying to plan for every possible scenario is what makes some Virgos annoyingly neurotic. Keep your planning and preparations reasonable, especially this week. On the rare occasions when things veer outside of what you expected, try to laugh at the surprise, rather than freak out about it.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Libras absorb a lot of shit through their own peculiar voodoo osmosis. I’ve seen Libras pick up accents, attitudes, and perspectives just by hanging out with people who possess them naturally. You’re like sponges, or mirrors, which can make a lot of really vain people drawn to you, and make some insecure ones run for the hills. This isn’t a judgment, just an observation. I think it’s also a good motivation to surround yourself with good people. Do those around you make you love and enjoy yourself more? If so, you’ve made some good choices. If not, you might want to look at that.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I know your trust has been broken, but it’s no one’s fault, least of all the one you’re taking it out on. That’s like blaming your bank for getting robbed. How long are you going to keep your cash buried in the backyard or stashed inside your mattress? Forever? That’s your choice, I suppose; banks are overrated. But what about love? You’re practicing the emotional equivalent of keeping your heart hidden and buried, instead of invested and collecting interest. That’s your choice, too. But consider choosing differently. Your life would be richer for it, I promise.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-3.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

This is a terrible time to crash diet (as if any time was great for that kind of thing). I know you just had Thanksgiving and all, and with the holidays approaching, you’re worried about the extra pounds piling up. But the drastic measures you’re likely to be drawn to at the moment are a really awful idea. Feel free to implement any sensible, moderate plans of action, but anything that smacks of a get-rich-quick scheme, designed to get results fast, just won’t work, and it’ll probably leave you worse off than when you started.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

The days are getting mighty short — depending on your schedule, you might not get much sunlight in any given day. That’s depressing — literally. Please don’t underestimate how much good a little natural daylight could do for you. So many of your problems would be easier to contend with, if you had more vim and vigor. Where do vim and vigor come from? Not from fluorescent lighting, that’s for sure. Go outside! A daily morning walk could do wonders for your mental health. Specifically block out some time in your schedule to get your dose of sunlight-induced happiness.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Whoa, what’s this? The stage is empty and the spotlight is standing vacant. Sure, the theater may only be half-full and no one’s waiting with bated breath, exactly — but it’s still an opportunity. This week you have a great chance to break into a new scene and get noticed. Perhaps that’s because some of the usual big fish are currently off swimming in other ponds. So what? Take advantage of the opening. Get your ass up into that spotlight! The extra attention may not last, but it sure wouldn’t hurt to start things off with an unforgettable bang.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Has your life felt slightly lackluster of late? Where have all the colorful characters that usually populate your little fable gone, the contortionists and pie-in-the-face fetishists and bearded drag queens? Your guess is as good as mine; my good news isn’t about their return. I’m here to remind you of a talent you’ve always had but haven’t properly practiced in months or years: the ability to step into the role of colorful character yourself, and thus provide your own entertainment. Go on. I’m sure you can come up with a pair of mutton-chop sideburns and a ball gown, at least. See what fun you can make with that.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

This is an abysmal time for big changes, Aries. You’re always capable of drastic action, but at the moment it’s not likely to get you where you hoped to go. There are simply too many factors you can’t control; by the time you’re done zanily swerving around them, you’ll have driven yourself to a location you’ve never heard of, not on any map. That, of course, could be its own adventure, but I’m guessing you’re more focused than that right now, and would actually like to arrive within hitchhiking distance of your actual destination. If that’s the case, foot-to-the-floor acceleration and crazy stunt car maneuvers are a terrible idea — slow and steady will win this race.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Vagueness irritates you, doesn’t it? You don’t usually have time for anyone who can’t be bothered to make up their mind and be considerate enough to give a straight answer about it. It’s a wonder you’ve put up with one of these flaky wafflers for so long. This week your tolerance may find its limit, however. Please resist the urge to grab this scatterbrain between hem and haw and shake them until they say something conclusive. It won’t do any good (and could get you into trouble). Instead, walk away. That, ironically, could be just the thing to elicit a decision and a straight answer. Be warned, however — it might not be the decision you wanted to hear.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Although it’s sometimes a good idea to call someone’s bluff, I wouldn’t advise trying it this week. What seems like a possible put-on designed to manipulate people might just be the real deal. The only way to find out for sure is the hard way, and you really can’t afford that at the moment. Keep your head down, soldier on, and see what happens a little ways down the line. You wouldn’t want to keep this up indefinitely (and I hope you don’t), but you’ve got to be smart and pick the right time to make your move. This, I’m afraid, is not that time.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You never know what someone’s really made of until they’re subjected to a little heat. Some people crack, revealing gooey interiors you never dreamed of. Others get harder and stronger. Some flee, some out-blaze the fire. I’m not suggesting you go around testing people to see what happens when they’re pushed to their breaking points. That’d be a bad idea. However, if you just happen to be around, pay attention. What you learn could be useful; how you put that information to use is, of course, up to you — but I might hope you’d learn from it how to best be there for someone in need.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Leos are hardly renowned their patience. Instant gratification is often the name of the game for Lions, and “to hell with the consequences!” There are ways and ways to rationalize this kind of thing, and some of the arguments you come up with are very convincing. That doesn’t, however, make listening to them the right thing to do, especially this week, when pursuing your own desires without regard for the potential fallout could land you in deeper, hotter water than you anticipated. Practice patience, my dear. You’re long overdue to grow some. And remember — the holidays are coming up.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

When Virgos see a problem, they try to solve it. It’s almost a compulsion. Other signs can watch the houseplants wither away from day to day and never get around to actually watering them until it’s too late. You, on the other hand, would be virtually incapable of doing anything else until the poor household flora had gotten a good soak. That’s all admirable — right up to the point where your entire life consists of putting out fires, and just running from one blaze to the next. Is that what your life’s become? Perhaps since you can’t see problems without trying to remedy them, you should give yourself a break and find a refuge where those problems will be out-of-sight, and at least half out-of-mind.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

I’m not a big proponent of the whole soul mate thing. But sometimes you do just meet someone and you get them, right off the bat. They can see right through you—in a good way, because they like what they see. This, my dear, is rare. This should also be easy. You’d actually have to try hard not to forge a connection. But some Libras, sadly, are just self-sabotaging enough to screw it up by suddenly becoming insanely shy or disappearing right when things are just getting good. Don’t worry if you act like an idiot — either they can handle that or they can’t, and if they can’t, the connection wasn’t what you thought it was, anyway. Go out there and be your great goofy self. Do that, and you can’t screw it up.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

This week is all about weighing the cost of the sacrifice against the value of the pay-off. Burning books for heat is not a good trade-off, for example. Burning furniture might be a better one, but it’s still far from ideal. Don’t settle for a horrible bargain, as if nothing better is available to you. Of course, most anyone would burn books if it meant the difference between life and death. But your straits are not yet so dire. You don’t need to settle for such bad deals, and shouldn’t. Hold out for a better offer, or — if one’s not forthcoming — walk away from the situation altogether.

Gemini

http://www.theweekender.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/web1_zodiac-1647166_1920-4.jpgGemini Pixabay file image

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